Going dark w/kids & finances in the mix is incredibly difficult. Maybe dim would be a better approach?
Some of my thoughts at the moment...
It seems that when the switch is off, it's off... I'm setting a personal time limit for a couple months. If we're not at least dating by then, I'll be agreeing to proceed with mediated D.
Fighting/Delaying D can be considered pressure if W wants out. I feel like some of the DBing stuff can easily play into increasing Nice Guy (NG) behaviors (i.e., becoming the H only a fool would leave). There's probably a balance, but it's tricky to figure that out.
IMO, Ws are leaving their Hs these days b/c they're tired of the NG behaviors. They get the man they want (maybe even a "bad boy" to start!) and then turn him into a NG. Finally they're bored with who they've unconsciously helped form (or, p-whipped). All the while, they want a man who challenges them. They don't want another kid for a H. This is difficult for long-term NGs.
Have you read Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy"? I know I wish I could drop my NG behaviors. I'm working on this now as part of my 180s. I probably wouldn't be where I'm at now if I would have maintained my own identity and not become so co-dependent over the years. I guess that's what IC is for.
