Well, not so much that "I AM" any of those things, but because H is soooooo overwhelmed, that that is how I may be coming across, just more nattering in his ear. The first thing is to remove myself, allow more space, and to only answer his questions, when questions arise. Do not offer advice. To wait until he asks the questions. He also suggests for me to wear new clothes, try diff hairstyles, perfume, etc. To switch it up often. The thing is... I've never let myself go. I am attractive and don't know how much more to play it up. LOL. I can't quite go to work on vehicles dressed like I am going out to a club! Now THAT would turn his head!
Any advice?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I really, really like your IC. Seems he is a DB-type of counselor who also works with your issues individually.
H's LL is acts of service. Why?
When you do AOS to H, his cup fills up and he feels loved. Be judicious with this approach as you don't want to smother him. or appear too pursuing. Perhaps you can start small as tackling the one area that needs to be straightened up and organized. Just do it and H will hopefully notice it.
I will try to think of an area of work that can be viewed as an AOS for him. Thanks.
Today, h got out of the vehicle and as I was entering, he said that I could have the rest of his pop, if I wanted. As thirsty as I was... I opted not too take it. Also, while we were out picking up inventory, he asked if I wanted a burger. Usually I say YES to all his offerings. This time, I said a friendly 'no thanks' and went to wait out by the vehicles, instead of waiting in line with him. I am trying to show that I will not jump at EVERY offering from him. I was feeling before that I was coming across as desperate to get ANY thing from him.... honestly, I was.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
MM, it's so hard to know what to do and I am far from an expert, but I would accept your H's gifts of food, drink or whatever every time. Personally, I don't think that shows desperation or neediness at all. Let him care for you and feel good about it. Be gracious. He's showing you what he needs. Read about men and women, giving and receiving. Believe me, I look back at so many missed opportunities. I just didn't know or couldn't see it. I think even now I would miss gestures. So, accept your H's gifts. Ask him to help you and thank him. See how he responds. If it's too much, you'll know. This might be a good way to seperate your business and personal relationship.
hmmm.... I dunno. Would be nice to hear from the pro's on this subject.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
AOS is the way to go...a smattering of them would fill up H's cup. Yes, it is nice to acknowledge H's gestures and you can use WOA to build up H. Remember he's feeling overwhelmed so I'm thinking a mixture of both AOS and WOA would go a long way in injecting harmony in the workplace.
He offered you food and drink. He was being nice to you. You should have accepted them. If you keep rejecting his offers, he's going to stop offering all together and you'll be back asking why he's not doing anything for you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
OK... I just figured that too much acceptance of his guestures would come across as desperate. I will take some, but not all... all the time.
WOA~ words of appreciation? (not quite sure)
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I'd agree with the other posters. If acts of service are his love language, like they are mine, offering to do something for you, like giving you his drink, may be his way of showing love.
If you keep saying no, he'll probably stop offering, just assuming that the answer will always be no.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
Seems he is a DB-type of counselor who also works with your issues individually.