Emotional Connection and Attraction

[BC39]

I may be wrong, this may not be DBing, but I don't see any reason why, in this situation, you can't say "Hey, help me out here. I am trying to give you your space and respect your wishes but I'm really not sure what it is you want from me in this area right now. I feel as if you aren't ready for sex right now, am I misreading this?" Or something similar..

This is what I'd like to ask, but as you said, I'm not sure it's DBing. It seems like a reasonable thing to talk about based on the mixed messages.

Walking by and touching her, cuddling, holding hands are great. They show you care without rushing her.

The "playful sexual touches" (in my experience and what my friends say) seem to be something that guys think is a good idea but women don't like it so much. I am not saying I don't ever like it, but I don't like it regularly. For example, H comes up and hugs me from behind and I love that. H comes up and hugs me from behind and can't help but throw in a little squeeze on my boob - turn off, I know feel like an object and that everything has to be about sex. This is how I feel most days. Some days, we are joking around, making quiet motions about sneaking off for sex (kids are around), making eyes at each other, etc. and that is the perfect context for "playful sexual touching".

I don't know if all women feel this way, I know my friends and I all do.

Very good points. I'm certainly guilty at times of too many sexual touches.

That is not what you want to do when you are being a spouse only a fool would leave. Continue to give her little touches, occasional hugs, kisses, etc. Leave out the sexual touches. Just don't go overboard, there is a fine line between natural, comfortable and what she appreciates and going overboard so she feels like it is all an act to get her back.

Patience (that annoying word again!)

Agreed.

Came up how? What did your W say about it? We want a man who is strong, has his own opinion but is also loving and caring. We do NOT want a pushover who just says "whatever you want honey"

She's said things in the past.

She said not long after BD that although she's likes how laid back I am but also thought I lacked passion and I was passive at times.

She's made a comment pre BD about me not engaging in arguments. That she's picked fights just to see if I would engage.

She complained a couple times pre BD that I didn't take enough control in the bedroom.

I don't think this ^^^ paints a fair picture, although there is some truths to these comments.

I am a pretty laid back person, but I don't lack passion. (I wish she could see how much passion I put in trying to save our marriage as one example)