i agree totally - it's all the sos isn't it??? I'd say i am not a particularly brave person when it comes to gambling. i am not a gambler - matter of fact.
i don't like taking chances with what i have or want. that being said- i get the "strategy" thing of leaving.
idk honestly- h & I are apart waaay too much. it's what is making me detach a bit and like him less. I loved him like mad- now i don't even know what i feel anymore.
as i always say, there's something tying me to him & (so far) him to me- what it is, idk.
will he ever lighten up enough to acknowledge Love - who knows. he's nice but soooo screwed up with it comes to commitment &love, etc. i'm pretty neurotic and have some biggish committment issues myself (can't get a dog, cat, not soo big fan of "signing on dotted line" and marriage - THO LOVE THE IDEA OF THE COMMITMENT & IT.
IT NEver seemed like deal breakers. the description this morning of a emotionally damaged person (from childhood) sure fits my h to a "T". ya have to wonder what it all means and how it all will play out.
tell me the goofy things at work if you want- i miss it too, just the little day to day happenings. i think my h shares them w/ his wonder-love ow. i could kill her, well adn him- well, both of them. i don't give one damn about her - my vry first shot was she's always been around - havin a crush on him- it's like shootin fish n a barrell. old babe from old times- sure thing- no work - no thinking- no nothin-
i gotta quit that- charging myself up. i'm better calm and not talking about it except here. it stirs up things in my head too much - got about 4 hrs sleep last nite- about 4 short of normal. wah wah.
SAME DEAL exactly with us- h has stopped being awful & critical and just ANGRY all the time... it's pleasant & i am keeping to db stuff, talking less, leaving first, not always "there". makes me feel "inspected" and boxed in and just like a fraud - i do not like it- not being who i am - ka bam. ya gotta wonder tho- if the big giant thrust of this mlc is "abandonment" - how the heck withdrawing doesn't sent the message "i'm abandoning you - you jerk"?!!
idk- just marking time- just doin this til i
phone ringing
oh cripes- not only are the teeth stilllost- now a bird flew into house thru cat door adn is in back room- always something- i'll see ya later. xxoo hope day okay I DO LIKE THE TRUST THE PROCESS - I FORGET it - but i must trust it- i'm still here rite???
not like we have allllll that many options - do we. i hate that too- no options -oh well....
i think it's way longer for us than i ever knew or een suspected. i've known about ow for two years (of total complete hell thanks) - but then i remember him getting seriously "cold" right after my sister died in 2008 - i thnk he prob. began screwing around thenm (die die die) - but who the heck knows for real??? i remember his personality changing like over nite when he quit smoking - ten years earlier- what if that was the beginning?
i can't even figue out wht and how long. i just resent and hate him sometimes for all theose years of allowing me to be in the dark and "trying" hard
