Emotional Connection and Attraction

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W has confused me in this regard.

4-5 months ago I felt like she needed space so I didn't pressure or initiate sex for few weeks. She then initiated, we had S, then afterward she asked why she was always the one that had to initiate. I told her I was just giving her space.

So we'd had S a few times after that point then she denied me a few times. After one of the denials I brought it up the next morning and she said "well you didn't try very hard". (like she wanted me to pursue her)

I may be wrong, this may not be DBing, but I don't see any reason why, in this situation, you can't say "Hey, help me out here. I am trying to give you your space and respect your wishes but I'm really not sure what it is you want from me in this area right now. I feel as if you aren't ready for sex right now, am I misreading this?" Or something similar..

Up until a few weeks ago my affection included being playful with sexual touches, but she had no problem with it, she played right along.

We would do walk by hugs and kisses, cuddle on the couch, fall asleep holding hands etc. 50% was initiated by her.

The last month 90% of this is initiated by me. I'd still done the odd playful sexual touch but she has seemed uncomfortable at times...this is a first. So I've pulled back on those as well.

Walking by and touching her, cuddling, holding hands are great. They show you care without rushing her.

The "playful sexual touches" (in my experience and what my friends say) seem to be something that guys think is a good idea but women don't like it so much. I am not saying I don't ever like it, but I don't like it regularly. For example, H comes up and hugs me from behind and I love that. H comes up and hugs me from behind and can't help but throw in a little squeeze on my boob - turn off, I know feel like an object and that everything has to be about sex. This is how I feel most days. Some days, we are joking around, making quiet motions about sneaking off for sex (kids are around), making eyes at each other, etc. and that is the perfect context for "playful sexual touching".

I don't know if all women feel this way, I know my friends and I all do.

I took W out on date for her birthday last weekend. It went really well, we had great conversation and plenty of laughs, it was nice to go out with just the two of us. It was actually the one time in the last few weeks that the affection was going both ways. We held hands when we walked, she came cuddled me a couple times while we were in some stores....it was nice.

Maybe QT is your wife's LL. Yes, it would be easier if she took the test, however, you can figure it out (it's just more work!). Put them all into play and pay attention to how she reacts to the different things you are doing.

At all costs, avoid any disrespectful statements (like correcting her when you think she's wrong, using sarcasm, bringing up the past, pontificating on any subject etc.). Doing ANY of these things reverses, by a wide margin, any positive things that you do. Think of her heart as a bucket that you are trying to fill with water. Once the bucket is overflowing, she will be in love with you. Each time you speak her LL you will add water. Each time you are disrespectful, or do anything that hurts her feelings, you are drilling holes in the bottom of the bucket. It will never overflow as long as you are putting holes in the bottom.

I couldn't agree more! It is a battle to get back in, you feel so positive and one little thing happens and it sends you back to the beginning or makes you feel hopeless all over again. (Think I just gave myself some perspective on how my H was feeling the other day)

-I have a hard time continuing showing her affection if she doesn't reciprocate.

-There's times I want to go quiet, stop showing her affection just to see if she'd notice and/or come to me.

-I'm not sure how to word it properly, but I almost feel weak or grovelling

That is not what you want to do when you are being a spouse only a fool would leave. Continue to give her little touches, occasional hugs, kisses, etc. Leave out the sexual touches. Just don't go overboard, there is a fine line between natural, comfortable and what she appreciates and going overboard so she feels like it is all an act to get her back.

Patience (that annoying word again!)

I read things like MMSLP and start getting it into my head to use SOME of its principles to up my Alpha etc etc (the Alpha thing has come up in our R in the past), then it conflicts with what were suggesting above and I get confused on what I should be doing

Came up how? What did your W say about it? We want a man who is strong, has his own opinion but is also loving and caring. We do NOT want a pushover who just says "whatever you want honey"