NERO here- don't let me float away anybody

[nero]

oh geeeez guys-

after an hour of searching- no dice. she lost the teeth somewhere. i am truly wondering (tho i don't think so- but hey???) if one of her cats could have walked off with them. in which case- where in the world in a whole house would they put theM???


her house is like the mummy's tomb (i'm being a rat here) because she closes the windows to "keep the cool morning air in" - eeeek

anyway- the search continues later-

hleeeellllp


this girl is about to drop f'ing dead of heat stroke - oh well.

i know she's got a terrible memory- but she's mostly ok most of the time.

( but according to neurologist & the helper/nurse that comes three timea weeek- she's not bad at all). mild dementia -

me- i keep hoping

[nero]

oh geeeez guys-

after an hour of searching- no dice. she lost the teeth somewhere. i am truly wondering (tho i don't think so- but hey???) if one of her cats could have walked off with them. in which case- where in the world in a whole house would they put theM???


her house is like the mummy's tomb (i'm being a rat here) because she closes the windows to "keep the cool morning air in" - eeeek

anyway- the search continues later-

hleeeellllp


this girl is about to drop f'ing dead of heat stroke - oh well.

i know she's got a terrible memory- but she's mostly ok most of the time.

( but according to neurologist & the helper/nurse that comes three timea weeek- she's not bad at all). mild dementia -

me- i keep hoping it will not all end badly- anything is possible rite - - ?? i'm outt ahere. kind of addicted 6o this forum today-

[job]

Nero,
Check the trash can. Does she use a napkin when she eats? If so, she could have taken them out and placed them in the napkin.

Also, check the clothes hamper, as well as any pockets of her blouses, slacks, etc. that she's wearing today. She has sat them down somewhere, got busy, and has now forgotten where she's put them.

If one of the cats walked off w/them, check the litter box and under the furniture.

My xmil lost hers not once, but several times and they always were in a bunched up napkin in the trash.

[albamarie]

I see myself as white...pure, innocent OH! Goodness!
Others see me as a dolphin...smart, free, sweet
I think of sex like a lake...calming, familiar, fun, beautiful
I see death as lonely, sad and anxious.

Goodness Nero, I am a hopeless case, I should just jump into a fairy princess story where I am guaranteed a happy ending. No wonder H rocked my world so much, I'm a sap!

Sorry to hear about your mom, gosh it's hard trying to handle someone else's life, even when it's a parent.

Thanks for the encouragement on my thread, you had some good points about me being on the right track. I think I'm doing fine also, but I still would like to have this behind me already.

With the baby coming soon and fall, winter, and holiday's, all that just makes me sad that I am not with someone I L and not being treated lovingly. I'm so done w this and the around-the-corner sh!t still to come. Whether he stays or goes there is more to face, uugg, I just want it over.

I have rattled this in my mind for a long while now, and I am pretty sure I would rather start a new, than put faith into this R. There is nothing here, he doesn't insult me, or act mean, or even ignore me, he's just who he is and it's nothing about that says, woohoo to me!

It's been so long now that I don't have any reason or want to be who I was w him. Last night I plopped down next to him as I used to and said whatcha watching...then I got a little close as the movie got more intense...soon I realized this would never be enough for me anymore.

Stuck, is an understatement! I'm forced to be someone I don't want to be anymore. I don't want him to call me Mamá any more...I don't want to share my room, or talk about his work schedule, or nothing. I have it bad...I want out, I want him out.

I'm not angry...or hormonal (as usual) or sad, or dep, I'm quite content with my where I am at right now in my thinking.

Hey Nero, what do you think about getting on with life not concerning yourself or wondering any more about the past, or present w H? Watch the more I reveal this attitude the more he'll pull me in?

[nero]

hey snodderly-

thanks for suggestons - i was just dreading going and looking more- did it again last nite for an hour-

no dice - she "heckles" from the sidelines about who would take her teeth and who would want them????? idk mom- it's YOUUUUUU
- not some intruder.

cripes- anyway- good stuff and i'll look in places you suggest. i think same - somewhere logical (maybe)

wish me luck

xxoo & thanks

[nero]

hiya dawn:

i just wrote to you in your thread - hadn't seen this- so it probably doesn't apply- feel free to chuck it.

Goodness Nero, I am a hopeless case, I should just jump into a fairy princess story where I am guaranteed a happy ending. No wonder H rocked my world so much, I'm a sap!

HHHEEEEEEY - what's so bad about being world's biggest SAP? you're talking to pink & cheery! cripes... meet world's 2nd biggest sap.

hey- we could form a club- the "look at the brite side" club - saps only...

Thanks for the encouragement on my thread, you had some good points about me being on the right track. I think I'm doing fine also, but I still would like to have this behind me already.

i'd kill to have it DONE AND OVER too.. really.

Stuck, is an understatement! I'm forced to be someone I don't want to be anymore.

i know- it's so icky to feel yourself changing - your heart - your response - i had a nice chat yesterday on phone w/h but the sheer neutrality of it- the non-love-attachment of it left me feeling very bad and empty afterward. i just don't want "neutrality" for the rest of my life.

here's what i wonder tho- what hangs me up (i think it's an AGE ISSUE for me tho- you've still got youth) I wonder if, realistically, once i ditch this - if i ditch this r - it's probably my last life with someone & r. i cannot even imagine dating- looking - "making it happen" and i cannot even imagine it happening by itself. my brain cannot take me to a place where i'm happy all alone - and it looks like i will be. that makes me in no rush to end it all without looking under every single rock here. - i'm a pack animal for sure. i know me pretty well. i've at least GOT TO THINK i have love - (i think, to feel happy).

YEAH- I KNOW EVERYONE IN THE WORLD will jump in here and make me feel like a stupid cow of a jerk - "you have to be happy with yourself, etc." - yeah, i GET ALL THAT - (i like me fine- i find my company good BUT - I LIKE HAVING someone to share my stinkin life with- first choice. who doesn't want their first choice? and then settle next???) it's just i know me, well, (who i've been for 62 yrs so far (who i become- who the heck knows) i'm just doin my best with what i know so far)

Hey Nero, what do you think about getting on with life not concerning yourself or wondering any more about the past, or present w H? Watch the more I reveal this attitude the more he'll pull me in?

Everyone in universe on this board seems to think that is exactly what will happen. perhaps this is the "detachment" you are supposed to feel - that will impel you to show him a person he desires. idk dawn-

part of me thinks you and me, we think x-y or z- BUT we're always open one little bit to whatever comes along - comes next. it must be true or we would have run away screaming long before now.

maybe you're feeling yourself soooo near the end- you're just anxious to make it the end. i've thought a million times i should do something - anything - even something stupid i pay for dearly, just to be done with it- the pain of the uncertainty- the stinking pain of the stinking "waiting" for the other shoe to drop - waiting on someone else. it sure goes against my grain in life - to be held at bay and "contained". i want to be free and i want to feel free.

(funny huh? this woman that WANTS to be attached - big time) also feeling an OVERWHELMING desire to be free. free of restraint i guess - free of worry & pain- free of someone's elses domination of the sitch -

petty? or productive? idk

i never realized i was such a control freak- i seem to be. maybe you too? maybe it's soooo hard for us to change because we're soooo used to being in charge of us - the house - the r...???

maybe you've been doing quite good with the dbing and waiting for h to go thru his journey- maybe it's not our natural state to be a scared , waiting little bunny on the sidelines - we need to be out there hopping round doing what we like, being who we like, having what we like-

maybe you're having a "lapse" in faith in the process & it all and h and you because you're just worn out and tired and WANT SOMETHING NEW to happen - some closure or some action.

you can do it- or you can suck it up a bit more and be patient - idk which is your right step.

if you're goin for it - i don't want to talk you out of your heart's desire here. my thoughts are anyone is capable of anything- and i've made some stupendous choices i thought i wanted most of all - with horrendous results - i never knew i'd feel the way i do now- how can we ever know how we'll feel when we do it- ??? but a part of me thinks short of death- anyhthing is possibly reworkable- undoable- redoable, etc...

i am sooooooooooo PRUDENT - IT'S PITIFUL. but believe me- the saying is true:

IF YOU GOT HALF YOUR WISHES , YOU'D DOUBLE YOUR TROUBLE".

i'm with ya dawn- whatever you decide i'll be your biggest supporter.

my natural prudence says decide it- get a job or something that will take you out of house alot or alot more (see what this does to dynamic) - don't do anything totally rash - make sure your financial ducks are in a row - whatever you DO, DO IT SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY-

OH GOD - LISTEN TO ME? WHAT A FUDDY DUDDY- I AM APPARENTLY UNABLE IN LIFE TO JUST SAY "BUST IT UP IN A FLAME OF GLORY".

I'VE NEVER even quit a stinking lousy job that was a rip off in a "flame of glory". i am physically unable to advise it.

but whatever you do- i'm with ya 100%. love ya (after all- you're white pure and innocent little dolphin)

hope your day is good - i overthink things til i drop.

xxoo tell me what you're deciding as you do... best of luck -

from the sappy pink cheery kitty - oh GODDDDD!!!


anyway-

[RosaLinda]

Hi Nero! Boy that's tough that you can't find your mom's teeth, I think those dentures are expensive! And worse, that she thinks someone else took them! Yikes. Did her glasses ever show up?

" i had a nice chat yesterday on phone w/h but the sheer neutrality of it- the non-love-attachment of it left me feeling very bad and empty afterward. i just don't want "neutrality" for the rest of my life.

here's what i wonder tho- what hangs me up (i think it's an AGE ISSUE for me tho- you've still got youth) I wonder if, realistically, once i ditch this - if i ditch this r - it's probably my last life with someone & r. i cannot even imagine dating- looking - "making it happen" and i cannot even imagine it happening by itself. my brain cannot take me to a place where i'm happy all alone - and it looks like i will be. that makes me in no rush to end it all without looking under every single rock here. - i'm a pack animal for sure. i know me pretty well. i've at least GOT TO THINK i have love - (i think, to feel happy).

YEAH- I KNOW EVERYONE IN THE WORLD will jump in here and make me feel like a stupid cow of a jerk - "you have to be happy with yourself, etc." - yeah, i GET ALL THAT - (i like me fine- i find my company good BUT - I LIKE HAVING someone to share my stinkin life with- first choice. who doesn't want their first choice? and then settle next???) it's just i know me, well, (who i've been for 62 yrs so far (who i become- who the heck knows) i'm just doin my best with what i know so far)"

I know exactly what you mean Nero, I like to have someone to share my life with too. My H and I get along pretty well as long as I follow all these rules -- give him space and only answer him, do not initiate conversation, do not touch him. So I am meeting all of his conversational needs, but have no one (except on this forum) to share things with. So often something funny happens during the day or at work, and I want to mention it to him. I always liked sending him a loving little text message in the morning when I work the overnight shift. I miss hugs and kisses. I miss SEX. A lot.

I try so hard to balance this detaching-myself-from-him thing with the giving-him-attention-when-he-wants-it thing. And it is killing me. I wish I didn't love my H so much. But I do. Like you I feel like time is running out for me. As RT was so kind to point out to my H, a 60 year old man is in great demand, but a 60 year old woman not so much. Of course, she was referring to me, trying to tell him that I do not really love him but rather just want to hang on to him because I'm OLD and need him. Bitch. Are we allowed to say that on this forum? And this is from a woman who is 58! Not only a bitch but can't see that she is exactly the same as me!

BUT Nero, all we can do for now is "trust the process," as Cadet says, or give up. Poor Dawn sure sounds as if she is ready to give up. I don't remember how long it's been for you. 2011? My H started his MLC when his best friend died in August 2009. Went bonkers the next month. So it's almost 4 years for us. Maybe we're almost done. Hopefully, you and your H are almost done too. Or....we can always go to Plan B and give up too.

Dawn you wrote: "I have rattled this in my mind for a long while now, and I am pretty sure I would rather start a new, than put faith into this R. There is nothing here, he doesn't insult me, or act mean, or even ignore me, he's just who he is and it's nothing about that says, woohoo to me!"

Aw Dawn Marie, I hate to hear you (your smart, free, sweet, pure, innocent dolphin self ) sounding so resigned to giving up. But if you are sure that there is nothing left for you, maybe it would be good for you to take a break from him for awhile. I know people keep suggesting it to me, that it will make my H miss me if I kick him out. But just maybe it would work the other way for you, and you might find yourself missing him? And if not....then you'll know. I am behind you what ever you decide to do. This is your life, and you only have one, and it is your right to live it however YOU choose.

[nero]

ya know linda-

i agree totally - it's all the sos isn't it??? I'd say i am not a particularly brave person when it comes to gambling. i am not a gambler - matter of fact.

i don't like taking chances with what i have or want. that being said- i get the "strategy" thing of leaving.

idk honestly- h & I are apart waaay too much. it's what is making me detach a bit and like him less. I loved him like mad- now i don't even know what i feel anymore.

as i always say, there's something tying me to him & (so far) him to me- what it is, idk.

will he ever lighten up enough to acknowledge Love - who knows. he's nice but soooo screwed up with it comes to commitment &love, etc. i'm pretty neurotic and have some biggish committment issues myself (can't get a dog, cat, not soo big fan of "signing on dotted line" and marriage - THO LOVE THE IDEA OF THE COMMITMENT & IT.

IT NEver seemed like deal breakers. the description this morning of a emotionally damaged person (from childhood) sure fits my h to a "T". ya have to wonder what it all means and how it all will play out.

tell me the goofy things at work if you want- i miss it too, just the little day to day happenings. i think my h shares them w/ his wonder-love ow. i could kill her, well adn him- well, both of them. i don't give one damn about her - my vry first shot was she's always been around - havin a crush on him- it's like shootin fish n a barrell. old babe from old times- sure thing- no work - no thinking- no nothin-

i gotta quit that- charging myself up. i'm better calm and not talking about it except here. it stirs up things in my head too much - got about 4 hrs sleep last nite- about 4 short of normal. wah wah.

SAME DEAL exactly with us- h has stopped being awful & critical and just ANGRY all the time... it's pleasant & i am keeping to db stuff, talking less, leaving first, not always "there". makes me feel "inspected" and boxed in and just like a fraud - i do not like it- not being who i am - ka bam. ya gotta wonder tho- if the big giant thrust of this mlc is "abandonment" - how the heck withdrawing doesn't sent the message "i'm abandoning you - you jerk"?!!

idk- just marking time- just doin this til i

phone ringing

oh cripes- not only are the teeth stilllost- now a bird flew into house thru cat door adn is in back room- always something-
i'll see ya later. xxoo hope day okay I DO LIKE THE TRUST THE PROCESS - I FORGET it - but i must trust it- i'm still here rite???

not like we have allllll that many options - do we. i hate that too- no options -oh well....

i think it's way longer for us than i ever knew or een suspected. i've known about ow for two years (of total complete hell thanks) - but then i remember him getting seriously "cold" right after my sister died in 2008 - i thnk he prob. began screwing around thenm (die die die) - but who the heck knows for real??? i remember his personality changing like over nite when he quit smoking - ten years earlier- what if that was the beginning?

i can't even figue out wht and how long. i just resent and hate him sometimes for all theose years of allowing me to be in the dark and "trying" hard

i'm outta here- teeth - bird - etc.

[RosaLinda]

"idk honestly- h & I are apart waaay too much. it's what is making me detach a bit and like him less. I loved him like mad- now i don't even know what i feel anymore."

So Nero, maybe it will be better for you when you go down to visit FL next month. How long will you be there? Maybe you can start living there 3 weeks a month with him and visiting NJ for one week a month, the opposite of what your H is doing now? Is there anyone else who could help your mom when she is attacked by birds and teeth-stealing intruders?

"tell me the goofy things at work if you want- i miss it too, just the little day to day happenings. i think my h shares them w/ his wonder-love ow. i could kill her, well adn him- well, both of them. i don't give one damn about her - my vry first shot was she's always been around - havin a crush on him- it's like shootin fish n a barrell. old babe from old times- sure thing- no work - no thinking- no nothin"

That's rough. RT is new, but VERY aggressive! I'd like to shoot her too I can't imagine what they find to talk about on skype for 2 or 3 hours every day, if not for the little things. Then when he is done, he has a splitting headache and needs to lie down for an hour. He has nothing left to give to me, no conversation, no emotions, no energy. Yes, I would like to shoot her.

"i think it's way longer for us than i ever knew or een suspected. i've known about ow for two years (of total complete hell thanks) - but then i remember him getting seriously "cold" right after my sister died in 2008 - i thnk he prob. began screwing around thenm (die die die) - but who the heck knows for real??? i remember his personality changing like over nite when he quit smoking - ten years earlier- what if that was the beginning?"

Yes, your H's MLC probably started in 2008 when he got cold. I didn't know about my H's either, until he gave me the typical I love you but.....speech. I just knew that his best friend had died, and he started acting bizarre, telling me that she had been his soul mate, sending her family money to buy a tombstone. After the I love you...speech, I snuck into his computer and read his emails, and he had started a very sexy EA within a week of his friend dying. It seemed like SUCH a strange thing to do, while he was claiming he had just lost his soulmate. His dad had died the previous year, and he seemed to handle that pretty well, but maybe the two deaths were just too much for him. Like your H with your sister passing away.

Let us know how you make out with the teeth and bird! Anxiously awaiting the next episode in your poor mom's saga!

[uRworthy]

I just realized that you, me and Linda are in the NJ/NY area.

One day.......