"I Love you but love her too"....WHAT?

[Notlikingthis]

A lot has happened since the last time I posted here. I didn't realize that it had been so long until I tried to find my thread.

I had no expectations that my h would remember my birthday (which was a little over a week after his) but to have him not even have a clue when he saw me opening up a card and a gift from one of my sons and STILL not remember was pretty telling. He thought it was a late Mother's Day card and gift. I said nothing and changed the subject. I think he realized it after he left and called to ask me if I'd like to go to dinner. I thanked him for the offer and told him that I'd take a rain check. It was okay. I re-read the cards he gave me from the past few years and realized how far he's deteriorated over the past few years. In 2011 it was:

"Darling, I want to thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable, accept myself as I am today without the need for complete perfection."

"YOU have allowed me the freedom to learn and explore without grandiose expectations."

"YOU allow my life to flow broadly, easily across my life and experience...

"YOU made me realize that I can allow my life to rest in the sun of self-acceptance...."

"I want you to know that I love you more than ever and that you are always with me...."

and on and on. The only thing that I noticed on this was that he signed it with his full formal name, as if he was redefining himself. He has a name that can be shortened and prior to that signature he always used the shortened version. He had finished reading the Artist's Way by this time and was beginning to look deep within himself.

2012 was similar but a little less introspective. It included loving words, affection but the line, "I strive to tell you how much I love you and appreciate being with you. I hope you know and understand this...." and then comments about looking forward to our dinner later in the day. So what happened between June 2012 and June 2013? A slow and certain change, the beginning of his journey/transition. I wonder where he'll be next year at this time and then 2 years from now. Time is my ally. I know he is still in there somewhere screaming at himself to get himself back on track. He knows he's doing the wrong thing but doesn't want to listen to what he calls his "old soul" or the "wise soul". He said this to me sometime after he started his EA/PA with ow!

On to the dirty details now! LOL The ow delayed her arrival by a week and arrived last Wednesday. Oh, and she brought a girl friend with her. H came by on the 4th and again on the 5th to pick up his car. He told me that the he needed to get away. Guess he wasn't expecting to have to entertain ow's friend. He complained about her (ow's friend) non stop, self-centered chatter. The friend was suppose to leave on Sunday but he didn't say that the ow was leaving. Haven't heard from him for a few days now so I'm sure that ow is still here. It has allowed me to let go and relax a little more. I'm feeling pretty calm most of the time. I have my moments but when I do, it's usually late at night when I'm tired. With time, this will pass I'm sure.

I took my daughter out to lunch on the 4th. I texted h to let him know that I was doing so and where we would be (so that he didn't show up at the same Restaurant with the ow). I didn't mention that in the text but I'm hoping that he picked up on the reason that I texted him. I feel nervous when I go into town knowing that it's just a matter of time before I run into them or her at the grocery store or on the street. I don't know for sure whether she bought herself a one way ticket or if she's just visiting. I guess I'll know if he starts coming around, calling and texting again. HA!

I need to get some advice on something that I have been considering. The ow's h is having a very very difficult time with all of this. He's written me a few emails and I answer with sympathy and bits of (DBing) advice but haven't told him about this site. I want to help him in some way but don't think that it's a good idea to get too involved for obvious reasons. Do you think I should suggest some of the books that are recommended here on the DBing site? I don't want to recommend DR because he will find this site. Should I let it go or offer assistance?