Well, I'm officially D'd. I kept it together until the judge asked if I agreed to the termination. I wanted to say no, but through tears I said yes. He also asked if the court could supply resources, such as counseling, to work toward reconciliation. My xh quickly said no. So my 19 year M ended without any attempt to repair it. The whole time I thought "I want my mom." She wanted to be there, but had a chemo appointment. A side note, my dad married us (he's a minister and an attorney) and my mom walked me down the aisle. This is so painful for my whole family.
My xh had a smirk on his face the entire time. This meant nothing to him.
I did let him know that I had unblocked communication from him, but that he would need to respect my boundaries of no more spewing and poking at me about the past. I said that I am sorry he feels the way he does, that I can't change the past, but I will not tolerate the perpetual blame. I made it clear that the boundaries aren't changing so he would need to decide if you could communicate with me accordingly. He started to argue, but quickly stopped. I walked away.
So typical of xh, he brought up an issue, I stated my position and he said "I'm not going to argue with you." That's his way of saying he's right, so no need to continue the conversation.
When my attorney introduced herself I stated the reasons for the switch in representation, that I felt there had been too much sparing, very little progress and overall I didn't feel that who I am was being representing and that led to a lot of animosity. My attorney also added that she understood that xh and I communicated well until the attorney sparing started and that she wanted to take a few steps back. We've scheduled a four-way next week.
Overall, I was pleasant, showed goodwill, but I was clear about how I wanted to be treated. My attorney said I did great and she was really proud of me. My xh should feel like a jerk. Hopefully he'll remember on one of the most painful days of my life I was poised (except the end) and treated him kindly. I couldn't have done any better.
