Stuck between a rock and a hard place!

[MrBond]

No. DO NOT make "her feeling connected with you" a priority.

"I understand her need to feel safe s a priority. "

No you don't or else you would have given her the safe word and safety talk. Understanding is pointless without doing.

[dorightman]

I did have the safe conversation with her, even though t was late, she said why use a corny word, I'll just say I don't feel safe.

[MrBond]

You shouldn't have had the talk at all. I told you the window was closed. Now she makes it sound like a joke. How did that talk come about? I don't think you realize how timing is everything.

[dorightman]

Had the talk a few days ago. She wasn't making fun or joking, she was being serious and just thought a code word wasn't necessary when she could just say she doesn't feel safe. I know the timing was off, won't happen again, promise

[MrBond]

And so what was decided if she said she didn't feel safe?

[dorightman]

It would end the conversation and I would leave the room.

[lovethehub]

DoRight,

I couldn't sleep last night and woke up very early and got on the site, I read your last thread in its entirety and here is what i found (and I didn't go back to day one, just two threads over at least a year)

As harsh as this will sound:

You haven't grown a bit

You say you are DBing but I don't see any evidence of it

You have not given your wife any space

Reading your posts make me feel like I am dealing with someone in middle school

I am sorry that this is harsh. I know it is. Until you recognize what you are doing, you don't have a chance to save your M

[MrBond]

"It would end the conversation and I would leave the room."

Really? That's your plan? What happened to my suggestion of you leaving to stay somewhere else OUTSIDE the home? She won't continue to feel safe afterwards if you're right there because in the past you've proven to chase after her.

[dorightman]

What happened to my suggestion of you leaving to stay somewhere else OUTSIDE the home? She won't continue to feel safe afterwards if you're right there because in the past you've proven to chase after her.

I'am not in the same place I was six months ago. I have calmed down and so has W. BUT...... If I do lose it again, I will tell her that I'll move out for sure!

[MrBond]

This is getting to be soooo frustrating.

"I'am not in the same place I was six months ago."

How many times does this have to be said until it sinks in with you?! It doesn't matter what YOU feel that has gotten better. It doesn't matter what place YOU think you're in. What matters is how SHE feels! I suggested in EXACT detail what to tell her, but you just glossed over the important details and just gave her your Cliff NOtes version which DOES NOT show that you understand what she needs? The way I told you to handle it would have done so perfectly. But you couldn't even do that small thing.

"I have calmed down and so has W. BUT...... If I do lose it again, I will tell her that I'll move out for sure!"

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL HER THIS WHEN YOU HAD THE TALK, NOT AFTER! How many times did I tell you that you need to have an EXACT plan of action that you could tell her would happen if you lost it again. But you were lazy and skipped that whole part.

Let me ask you something...how can you "expect" her to think that you've changed and see to her needs when you can't follow simple instructions from the posters here? Have you ever thought that the reason why you've managed to make things worse is because you never followed EXACTLY what people have been posting to you?