You and me both JRG. I want a family. I want a family with my H. I struggle every day with the thought of not having a family. Some days I just want my H back but some days I think otherwise.
It's funny though he's never said he doesn't want to have kids but he's said "I don't want to be a dad. I cannot have my kid to be passed around in a parking lot like I was" In case I haven't mentioned his dad just finalized a D from his 4th wife at 50 something. Not a great role model for a "lasting marriage"
My first counselor even told me "You can't define yourself by having kids" (I don't see her anymore) but why is it such a bad thing I want to have a family with the man I love and I want to experience giving birth. Why is it bad for not wanting to be alone? I left my whole family and friends in my country to be with my H here. I dreamt of starting a family of our own in this country.
I really understand your feelings JRG. It is hard. I know there must be somebody who will love to have a family with me and I know my friends are thinking just that. "Why is she waiting when she can date other people?" But I am DB-ing because I know my H once wanted to have a family with me until I turned into a baby monster last year. I want to see if he can go back to wanting to have a family with me again. If he doesn't then I'll move on. The last thing I want is for him to come back to me out of guilt. I only want him to come back because he wants to have a future with me (and that includes having kids - because this dream of mine will NEVER change)
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
