wife hardends heart-2

[planet]

W is truly a special kind of girl. She'll have guys falling for her within days of meeting her. She's very nice to others and are well loved by many people. She does have a temper though.
I know many instances where guys tried to pursue her throughout our relationship including this time around. There is once she almost left. And this time, she's smitten. It's like 'twilight' played out in real life.
Why in the world she stuck with me? She did have choices. She said the first time I had begged and cried so she accepted me back. I pointed out that it was I who finally gave up and returned home. She completely forgotten about the last part being her going to my place and asking me to return to her place over the phone. We broke up and made up all in the same night. Incredibly, she quite like me. I really don't have a good memory of past events. So it is surprising that she could up all the things that she's unhappy about but not the things I find truly memorable.
I guess I have to make more sweet memories stick if given the chance.

[adinva]

Take the good ideas from this guy and emulate what your W and you like about him, but he sounds creepy to me. Such a wonderful person, but he was hanging around at your house because he has few friends? That's a little off. He developed "special feelings" for a married woman and decided to act on them, that's a little off.

But the surface stuff, you can emulate to your advantage.

[chl0901]

Hi planet, I am a newbie and don't have any advice to give but was reading your thread and wanted to stop by and send you some support. I agree with others that this OM sounds creepy and he must be in lala land to think this kind of relationship with your W and coming around like he does in front of you is okay. Best of luck with your sitch! I will check back for your updates.

[planet]

Well I don't know. But I do empathize with his feelings. I feel he just can't help himself.
Guys, don't you watch 'twilight'? Haha. That silly movie.
At least he doesn't speak ill of me unlike the previous one. He still wants to be friends which I'm not ready to accept. W said that I have placed her in an awkward place by confronting him. She say its jealously acting up. I feel it's much much more bigger than that which incidentally involves a family. Duh!
To be honest, I don't know how many friends he have. He's a nice guy, he may have plenty of friends but choose to hang around my house for obvious reasons.
To clarify, he did have W permission to move around upstairs where the bedrooms are. W asked him to get something for her in our room. As to why he's been into my kids rooms with the kids I don't know why. W was completely open about this during our talk.
I do want to emulate him. But seriously he goes the extra mile. W mentions about going somewhere, he buys her a new gps. W mentions something about an amazing cake she would like to try, he goes all out to search the Internet and locate the place that sells them and managed to bring it over during lunch time!
Try beating that, guys.....haha
Man he wants to be friends but breaks the bro code.

[planet]

had a conversation with a good friend regarding my current situation. told him about the changes that i want to see in myself and my resolve to change permanently.
he said any sudden changes will scare off people. other people might misconstrue my behavior as having a breakdown.
i wonder if those people who noticed my 180 thought the same?
What i did was:
1) asked if they had their meal. (it's an asian thing)
2) having extended conversation with guests.
I'm always distant so this is pretty new to others. really don't want to come off as a mental patient.
any thoughts?

[DigDeeper]

Hi planet, I think I realized thru my dB ways is that I'm doing the changes aka 180 for me myself only. The 180s will definitely throw others off their view of the old you cause they have never seen this side of you. They can be judgemental but you cannot control what others think/do. The only thing you can do is to keep doing it. Hope you understand what I'm trying to put across.

[planet]

duly noted. thanks DigDeeper.

[AnotherStander]

had a conversation with a good friend regarding my current situation. told him about the changes that i want to see in myself and my resolve to change permanently.
he said any sudden changes will scare off people. other people might misconstrue my behavior as having a breakdown.

LOL! Wow, well your 180's must be pretty extreme from your previous behavior Yes people (including your W) will notice and they will wonder what's up. At first your W will think your 180's are just tricks to get her back. This is why we say you've got to do those 180's consistently over a long period of time. It'll take your W months before she starts to believe the changes are real.

[planet]

AnotherStander.
I can be chatty in front of a computer but not with real people. Will try to imagine them as computers from now on!
It's extremely challenging shedding off old habits. Huge mountain to climb.

[sandi2]

Believe nothing of what I hear? I have hearing about this many times for 4 years but W did say if I had treated her better all this probably will not have come to this stage. Right again.

I don't know that you have applied that in the right timing or context. What I mean is that a LBH shouldn't believe all the craziness she says after she has dropped the bomb and you officially have a WAW. But four years ago when she was trying to tell you the problems she was having with your family.....that was the time to listen and believe what she was saying.

I can tell you from my own personal experience that when a H does not put his W first, above his mother and everyone else, he will eventually lose his W's respect. If a man doesn't set things straight with his family to let them know he stands by his W regardless of how they feel about it.....ithen it feels like a betrayal to her.

Yes, I had an EA and my H felt very betrayed. So did I feel like I had been betrayed all those decades he would sit and say nothing as his family run me in the ground. What goes around....comes around.

I don't agree with you letting the OM hang around your house....especially after both of them admitted they had feelings for each other. A woman won't respect a H who would just let another man come into his home and have his W and kids while he does nothing . And if she doesn't respect you.....she can't love like a woman needs to love her man. At least have enough respect for yourself to not hand your home and family over to a third person.