Hit a bump in the road this weekend and can't help but give me pause. One of our biggest challenges ahead will be our sex life as we've both come out during our discovery of issues with this being a huge lack for both of us.
We really started off our relationship more as best friends than lovers and for us to be successful I know our sex life has to take a dramatic turn. I'm just concerned on our sex life never getting a chance because she's getting all jumpy again and not feeling positive about our chances.
I spent the night at her house last night but she's always a bit worried about the kids and them seeing what she deems to be "too much". She's not wanting to confuse them as much as I don't, but I also know we can't be "real" with each other if we can't act natural because of the kids.
It's hard holding back and not trying to help her in her self discovery, but I know she needs to figure out all these things herself. This is where I have to step out of the picture and just continue to be the best husband I can be for me and my kids. Its just so hard to have survived things so far and to see potential for reconciling and having to just hold.
Looking for any advice on how to deflect those feelings of fear into something useful. I had so much of these feelings in check when the Mrs had no interest. Now it's just a roller coaster each hour it seems.....
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
Continue to DB. It sounds like she's still on the fence. I would think she's willing to fully commit when she has decided to move back in. I don't want to analyze her actions but if she doesn't want the kids to see PDA between you guys then she may still be questioning reconciling.
I apologize in advance for not reading your previous posts.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
I guess I need to keep focused on the positives and not the negatives. It was so much easier before she had any interest in trying to reconcile, but I'm guessing I just didn't know or didn't prepare myself enough for the ups and downs.
A friend of mine said she thinks my wife was so full speed ahead on divorcing that when she felt unsure of that decision and started to think about us as a possibility the momentum for divorce is probably still messing her up a bit. Like the snap decision to think about us can't really work that swiftly because all that was sure was wanting a divorce.
I'm just trying to calm down and keep my emotions in check because I know whatever comes out of my emotions will not be what is needed to help our sitch. Have to keep a calm head to calm her nerves as well as mine.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
It's going.... I guess I should keep my glass half full glasses on and say it's going well. We had a great weekend when I returned with the kids on Saturday. The Mrs. even admitted to being "hopeful" about us during the weekend, but then hit a few snags...nothing major just bumps.
I had a rough day back at work after a week off and it showed when I went over again Monday night and immediately shut her down. This lead to a big text discussion Monday night and a great face-to-face discussion last night.
Two of my biggest self-improvements that I've been working on for myself have been: 1) Dealing with Work - I've been a workaholic for years and I've found its not just prioritizing to work more focused causing less hours, but also not letting the work stress bog the individual down. When we texted Monday, it honestly hit me for the first time about the "work fog" I can be in and knowing that it's me allowing that to occur and not being bigger/better than it. I don't want this and now I saw what impact it has on her.
2) Laziness - Becoming a single dad doesn't allow for laziness to occur. If you do, you get swallowed up with everything pretty easily. I've always been better under pressure than not in work, school and life. It seems like it was easier for me to "thrive" when the divorce was full throttle than now. Some of that I attribute to having the ups and downs right now.
Key thing I'm trying to remind myself is that I have the ability to control my reactions to these emotions and feelings. Once the Mrs. indicated she would like to try at reconciling I thought this would just happen, but I realize that I was wrong. It's right there in front of my face and tangible, but I just can't seem to put a good grip on it, if that makes sense.
Thanks for asking because that felt good getting that out there. How is it going for you?
Later, Trying
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
It was so much easier before she had any interest in trying to reconcile,
Well, then you have your answer. Move ahead, do NOT assume you'll get back together, and if things reconnect they do; if not, you're still working on making the best life for yourself. Stress removed.
Excited about the upcoming weekend and next week. First, I've got a date with the Mrs tonight and the kidos are staying at my parents' house. Just ready for some QT....
We're going for a week of me staying at her new house and trying to function "normally". I've got to travel the two weeks following next week, so I'll be happy to have my family together in preparation of that trip.
She's been opening up more and definitely seems more needy of my companionship, which has been a nice boost for me. She took our kids with her sister, sister's kids and mom to the beach, but she always found multiple times a day to call. I wasn't surprised, but I was still a bit floored.
Looking to see what comes in the next week.... Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Thanks, Trying
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
