Am I ready for this?

[reachingHigher]

Mm, just another thought for you. It was close to a year ago that my H started really talking about getting a D. Not that it was the first time it had been mentioned.

Chuck told me to listen to H and tell him "I'll think about it." H's POV, that is. I remember the relief in my H's voice when I said that I would think about the things he said. Believe me it was the last thing in the world I wanted to say.

H took it seriously that I would listen and consider his side. That meant a lot to him. Through this whole thing he has constantly thanked me for being a "friend" to him.

And, in December, when we had signed D papers and I figured it was going through, I felt like H was still a great guy. Confused, but a great guy. And if I couldn't have him as my H, I was happy to have a good working R with him. I felt I could do worse than having him be a great father to my boys.

It took a while to get to those thoughts. But that was where I was headed. It allowed me to be lighter at times, tho I cried plenty. We even ate out in Decmeber together and joked since a couple was announcing their engagement publicly at the restaurant and we were expecting to be D in about two weeks.

Just putting another viewpoint in your head, is all.

I'm thinking about you all day today. I know the pain. I'm so sorry.