New and need encouragement

[Not Quitting]

Hi NQ, some advice on getting people to read your thread. Post often, even a couple of times a day (I know, seems crazy but otherwise you fall way back and no one sees it) and post to others. They will often return the favor by posting to you.

Sorry you find yourself in this predicament but you can emerge from this a better version of yourself no matter what happens with the marriage. I know you want to save it, that may also be possible.

It sounds like you're doing what you need to do. What are you doing to GAL? New things, fun things? After I came out of the fog elicited by the BD, I made it a habit to say yes to more. So I did some things I wasn't really interested in but have found some other really fun things.

You'll have down days, accept them for what they are, don't beat yourself up about it.

You say your H was married twice before but both marriages were short, one produced 2 children. That requires a certain amount of time.

Why did those marriages end? Why doesn't he have contact with his older children?

Why do you think your H left?

If you could change one or two things about you, what would it be?

Trying to post more often - home computer is super slow so very frustrating. Usually have to wait until break at work or use library/internet cafe.

GAL isn't easy when money is really tight. Did join the ladies from work for Relay for Life - an overnight walking relay to raise funds for cancer research - fun night and lots of non-work related chat. Researching free stuff in our area to do with S13. I've never been much of a socializer at any time. Picked up an old hobby I'd let lapse over the past few years - that is actually helping me feel more relaxed. One good thing out of this whole mess is that I've reconnected with both my sisters - we'd lost touch over the past few years for various reasons.

No kidding about down days although I'm getting much better at predicting them and somewhat better at fighting off the down feelings by forcing myself to "have a good day today" - usually works, but not always. A good cry in the shower is sometimes called for.

Both of H's marriages ended due to infidelity - hers, not his. 1st may have also been influenced by the fact that his MIL didn't like him. The boys, we think, have been influenced by his XW and his XMIL. He did reach out to both of them several times - mail was returned "moved, return to sender" and we have since found out the the MIL still lives in that house, so she was definitely interfering.

H told both me and S13 that he was leaving to "find space and time to sort out my feelings and so that we can make a fresh start. Every time he sees S13, he tells him that its still only a temporary split. I know he's confused about things - he sent a text to me that was meant for someone else stating as much.

The first thing I'd change about myself is improve my self-confidence. It's always been an issue - I was painfully shy as a child and actually that's never really changed much.