Becoming Patient Man III - Moving Forward

[PatientMan]

On the subject of detaching. I learned there are (at least) two arenas to conquer in order to be "detached".

1) I have read a lot about successful detaching being when you are not on your spouse's roller coaster anymore...when their actions and attitudes don't affect you all that much or change the way YOU act. Getting off the roller coaster is fundamental detachment...Detachment 101, if you will. I can say I have successfully conquered this, and I realized it a few weeks ago. I am certainly empathetic to XW and I definitely don't like when she is down, but my days no longer ebb and flow based on her moods and treatment of me.

2) Time and energy consumption. This one comes up quite a bit and is an offshoot of GAL. The LBS, especially during the depression or grieving stages (whatever you experience), is absolutely CONSUMED by the situation and constantly thinks about it and the WAS. This I have NOT conquered. However, this is where the rubber meets the road when the vets tell you the importance of GAL! What start off as distractions and PMA boosters turn into new habits and hobbies, and eventually the repaired, newer, and stronger you.

***
Understanding that you both have to get off your spouse's roller coaster AND stop being consumed by your situation are essential to coming out the other side of this.

If anyone else has more to add, please feel free to do so.

-PM