One month down, zero casualties

[Raine]

snodderly, I think my H is most like his grandfather. He was in and out of the house and the grandmother always took him back. Multiple affairs, illegitimate children. That of course did a number on H's father, who never left the home but has chronic depression and never did much for work and hasn't worked in years. Meeting his family was nearly enough for me not to marry him. But, he had already rose above that. He had his BA at that point, first in his family to go to college and later got a MA too. He was religious. I thought he overcome his background, he would work and overcome anything else in life.

Hey Linda! My H has cut all OW at once before, but not 100% to blocking them out of his life. He tried to transition them to friends. But then some have now become f buddies. I think he tried to play the boyfriend role with 1 & 4. He couldn't handle that and I'm sure he made for a crappy bf. Problem is these women will accept and put up with anything. He must have a lot of excuses and a good sob story. He says now he is too messed up and doesn't want to hurt anyone. OW3 is the only one I think it completely out of the picture. I do have a hard time keeping track. I noticed in one of my last posts I said the wrong one even lol. It doesn't matter much. They're all interchangeable in my mind. I get clues into them typically because he talks about them if it's a co-worker. The others because he adds them on FB and they all have similar things about them that stand out. And he will always want to tell me why he added them. I can look at the people he adds now and say, there is only one possible reason he would add her.

uRw, for sure. I think at this point I could answer that with affirmation too. If he leaves tomorrow, I have no doubt that I need to file. The kids are number one and I need to protect them and their stability.

...

Safety goggles ready? H has continued to do more and more nights at home with friends. The friends are fine. These aren't party friends, they're geeky and younger. Kind of reminds me a lot of college/Hs. So instead of him going out most nights he is having them come here and involving me. He asked if I wanted to play on Sat night and I said yes that's fine but worried his friends would get annoyed with me dealing with the baby. He said that would not be an issue and if it ever was, he would tell them they could leave. So it's almost like he is having it here because he wants to involve me? We definitely have the much nicer place and lots of food. Kind of makes me think of in HS this is the cool parents place.

Then, his parents will be coming in a few months to stay with us for a long vacation. This has some swirling going on in H. First he has issues with his dad. I asked H if he was excited and it was a "eh." He thinks his dad is going to wonder why we don't do more for them. My concern is H feeling like he has to stay here because of them or even using that as an excuse when he is here by choice. At one point I told him "you're parents can stay here and see the kids as much as they want, no matter what is going on.I don't want you to stress about that." He got really quiet and welled up with tears. That was that. I gave him a quick hug and changed topics. He is telling ow that he has to stay here for awhile. That he has figured things out and it's going to take time to get to the place he can move out. He talks like this is a financial thing. That has nothing to do with it. Nothing stopping him there and he doesn't know what the finances are anyway so I don't know what he would be calculating. But at the same time he is saying when is it going to be about him and being able to tell the ones he cares about that he loves them. This is so confusing to me, so he must be hell-a-confused.

So anyway after the talk about his parents could stay here no matter what, we started talking about where everyone would sleep and he said he could sleep in the boys room. Then he proceeded to spent about three hours organizing a game and media closet. If we D he would take all of that with him, so interesting to me he just spent all that time to make it perfect here.

Lots and lots of family time together last week. Going out and staying in and hanging out together. It is this strange dynamic of being back to best friends without the physical or emotional relationship. That's hard, but I'm holding.