Just adding a thought to the "whole" spouse vs "damaged/partial" spouse that the OP "gets"...W, I am sure, put on her "charms" (or one side of her personality) with all the EA's, PA and cyber boy-toys, and I know those "charms" quite well...but when the depression, controlling behaviors and such hit very hard Jan/Feb/Mar...per W, the other men "dropped away"...didn't want to/could not deal with her "other side", her shadow side. She even said her family didn't want to deal with it anymore, and her new friends told her they couldn't/didn't want to deal with it and that she needed a therapist.
So I reckon that, based on what you posted, sooner or later FT is going to not want to deal with the "other sides" of H, I think how she is dealing with her H shows where she will naturally go....away, on to something fresh and new and shiny and no "work".
In my sitch, I appear (as far as I know) to be the last man standing, able to deal with her shadow side, able to love the whole W, not just the fun, sweet or seductress, and have always been. And it appears that maybe W is seeing that all so slowly, and it is giving her pause...maybe a fresh look at reality (?)...
You once wrote a long time ago, "who is going to be the last one standing? This girl" (or something like that). I think it is still true, TVS... T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
