W came by Saturday to pick up some stuff for D16. She did tell me about the cancer diagnosis while there. I gave her a big hug and told her how sorry I was to hear this. She said she has not told any family, not even her mother or sister. She has not told our kids either, she wanted to wait until she talks to the surgeon because she figured it would be easier on the kids to tell them what the treatment plan is at the same time as disclosing the news to them. Right now she thinks a lumpectomy might be a viable option. She said it's early enough that they think radiation will not be required, just chemo. I did tell her basically what I said I would in the earlier post- that I want to help in whatever way I can and to think of me as a friend that lives nearby that can help anytime day or night, even if it's "gross" stuff! She did say she appreciated it and said she would no doubt need help, but mainly she was expecting she would need me to have the kids more often which I of course told her was no problem. She did seem in good spirits and said she's not freaking out about it, at least not yet.
She's also "coming out of the closet" more with OM. She told me he invited her to California with him (some kind of work training thing) and asked her if there was anything she wanted to do while there and she said zip-lining, so he is setting that up for them to do while there. She said she did not tell the kids she's going and doesn't plan to. I was strangely ambivalent about this disclosure, I just nodded and told her it sounded like fun. It felt like my neighbor was telling me, not my soon-to-be-ex. It didn't bother me at all. Afterwards I thought about that- why it didn't bother me. I think it's because I really have surrendered all hope that we will ever reconcile, and I've found peace with that. It really is over. I think we'll always maintain a friendship but the M will be over soon and will never return. And that's OK. I still think she's a great person and I wish the best for her.
Originally Posted By: Maritimer
Finding that email would have destroyed me. There were some key words in there that was brought up in my situation as well. Made me reflect on how she feels about my behavior over the past year.
Well just try to remember when you see/ hear stuff like that that while there may be some truth in it, a lot of it is just WAS rewriting of history. Just ask yourself if you've become the best person you can be, and if you have then that's what really matters. At least my W does admit to me and others that I've changed and the real problem is that she doesn't want to try, so I am content that I did everything I could do to save the M. I just hope that everyone here can get to this same place, where you know your life will be great whether you continue it with your spouse or without them!
