Am I ready for this?

[Mtnman]

The saga continues!

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2346953#Post2346953

[Verum]

Mtnman, I've been reading your sitch and the latest with your W. I find in my sitch, that when I think I screwed up and said something that is a major backslide, ... well it is as if it didn't happen the next day. My W ignores it.

I suggest you let 2-3 days pass, without communicating with your W and think through the sitch. Maybe a change of boundaries? less communication or going dim? Whatever suits you and your sitch. But I think waiting and thinking through is important.

For example, in my sitch, I'm becoming impatient, yet I think about my sitch and say to myself that a divorce would be as painful now and take at least 2-3 years before I was fully on my feet again. Can I put up with the W's MLC for another 1-2 years instead? Sometimes I worry that it will never end ...

[ForeverYoung]

Mtn, I'm so sorry to hear of the recent bump in your sitch. Yes, I said bump. Your M isn't over, and there is still hope.

You made mention a few posts back about "if she is done, I want too..."

Even if she thinks she is, your W is not done. Neither are you.

You received some great advice from RH. Please don't do anything until you talk to Chuck.

Don't focus on the recent upset, look at the long term goal. Devise your plan from there and stick to it.

Definitely set up and maintain your boundaries. Do this and you won't feel like W is taking advantage of you. Be strong my friend.

[Mtnman]

Thanks guys! I mean it. I've been sitting here praying for guidance. I probably should take a step back and wait for answers.

[Thumpered]

Believe half of what you see, and NONE of what you hear!

[Mtnman]

W emailed me early this morning to tell me she was meeting with a attorney today. It was very civil and she said she wanted a 50/50 custody agreement. I responded back that I loved her still, but could not agree to that. I explained that she did not provide a healthy situation for them with her current lifestyle.

I will be contacting my attorney as well. I'm living in a nightmare, but now I have to do what's best for my boys.

[reachingHigher]

Mtnman, remember that asking for a D is a cry for "space". A loud and hurtful cry, yes.

I would recommend that call to Chuck. You need to stay grounded. I was thinking about you and your sitch this morning at 3 am when I could not sleep. When I contacted Chuck I always had a list of questions to ask. Then I took notes continually throughout the call. Then I retyped those notes into my DB files. I would refer to them often. Even months later. Get the most from your money.

Meeting with an attorney will arm you with knowledge. And knowledge is power. It doesn't mean the end, as you know from my sitch. But it is a scary and hurtful place to be.

You have your faith, your confidence as a father, your love in your heart for your W, helpful family only 30 miles away, and your wonderful boys. Take heart and be strong. You will make it through this.

rH

[Mtnman]

Thanks rH! I know it's not over, but was hoping to avoid this part of it. I've got to let her fall. I've been her safety net too long. Continued hope for the day we are together again.

[reachingHigher]

Mm, just another thought for you. It was close to a year ago that my H started really talking about getting a D. Not that it was the first time it had been mentioned.

Chuck told me to listen to H and tell him "I'll think about it." H's POV, that is. I remember the relief in my H's voice when I said that I would think about the things he said. Believe me it was the last thing in the world I wanted to say.

H took it seriously that I would listen and consider his side. That meant a lot to him. Through this whole thing he has constantly thanked me for being a "friend" to him.

And, in December, when we had signed D papers and I figured it was going through, I felt like H was still a great guy. Confused, but a great guy. And if I couldn't have him as my H, I was happy to have a good working R with him. I felt I could do worse than having him be a great father to my boys.

It took a while to get to those thoughts. But that was where I was headed. It allowed me to be lighter at times, tho I cried plenty. We even ate out in Decmeber together and joked since a couple was announcing their engagement publicly at the restaurant and we were expecting to be D in about two weeks.

Just putting another viewpoint in your head, is all.

I'm thinking about you all day today. I know the pain. I'm so sorry.

[Mtnman]

Thanks rH! I always reflect on the fact that you were 5 days away.

Spoke to Chuckles! It was very nice to discuss it all. He was positive about our situation. It was to my benefit that MIL caused the r talk. It wasn't my doing. It was good for w to have a moment of reality. Based on her actions since yesterday it confirms she knows her behavior is wrong (cleaning, cooking, hauling trash, etc). Her wanting the kids shows she is not only thinking about herself. It will require her to be responsible.

I hope I'm back on track.