New and need encouragement

[Not Quitting]

Sunday as usual is H's afternoon with S. I managed to remain unemotional except for a brief weepy moment when discussing how much he was going to contribute to joint debts until we can get the credit counselling program in place. S seemed to enjoy spending time with his dad, and showed no emotion when he left. Good thing, because if he'd burst into tears like last week I would have as well.

My dad was with us and commented that H didn't seem to be his usual happy-go-lucky self this week. Is he finally realizing what he'd be giving up if he continues the path he's on? Dont' know and not going to try reading him.

Read most of DB on Saturday. Was pleasantly surprised to find out that I've been DBing for the past few months - ever since I realized that being emotional around H was definitely a mistake (thanks to reading the various posts on here, and to a couple of other websites out there). We were doing really well until a few weeks ago, spending time together, talking, affection, etc. He has an argument (or maybe just a bad phone call) with OW and he's spinning again.

S and I were going to put flowers on my mom's grave but the weather stopped that. But that plan reminded me about a conversation just before H moved out about our living will. We had it drawn up after our first son died several years ago and it outlines how whichever of us passes next will have our son's ashes with them when cremated. Those combined ashes will then be kept, as our son's have been, until the 2nd spouse passes, and they will have the combined ashes with them at cremation. H declared that he wants the living will to remain unchanged. Not sure how to take that - he isn't sure he wants to stay married to me, but he wants to spend eternity together. Go figure.

Guess that just proves that his mind is in a real turmoil. I'm just taking it one day at a time, trying to maintain PMA and GAL.