Hello Everyone! Thank you as always, for stopping by!
NWL, I really do not know. As Linda pointed out many incidental stories involve them forgetting exactly what they did do while in this MLC state. Bully for them, right. I will know where each scar came from. Truly, I think that whether or not folks can actually get past the horrific actions of an MLC spouse has less to do with the MLCer than the LBS. If the LBS cannot let things go - really let them go - a new relationship has no chance.
FY points out that it is recommended that we talk about our situations very discretely or not at all with family members. While I appreciate this point of view, for FY that makes sense - his W is still in the house. But once the MLCer leaves, the cat is out of the bag whether the LBS wants it to be or not. At that point, personally, I believe that the LBS needs to gather their troops of support to assist with the abandonment rather than try to spare the MLCers feelings. Only in my opinion, though. Honestly, I feel that it is necessary to also face consequences of actions. It's not like the MLCer has stolen my lunch at recess - those who have abandoned and betrayed their spouses with others have committed some big sins. If the MLCer "forgets" their journey, the LBS buys into that and the family acts like it did not happen at all - that is not natural justice; how does the MLCer learn from their journey? This is not about punishment but of lessons learned.
Nero, I hear you! Insanity is good description for both the MLCer and the LBS. We are like Alice in Wonderland at the Mad Hatter's tea party - nothing makes sense and the rules randomly change from minute to minute. Until...for me, nothing. Cold turkey, NC from him. One day, he just vanishes. Poof! White Rabbit. But I am no longer chasing, even though he is still running.
