I'm in a similar situation and I can tell you that until your H acknowledges that his actions have contributed to the breakdown of his relationship with the boys he will likely continue to be difficult. He also isn't accepting that he played a part in the confrontation last week. He's still angry and blaming you. Things have been so emotionally charged between the four of you that you need time for it all to settle down.
Your H's A and the way he has forced OW on the boys has created so much pain and chaos. He's not owning any of that. He just expects you and the boys to go along with what he wants. His lack of ability to understand that his approach is unreasonable and emotionally very damaging tells me that he's underdeveloped and has the emotional capability of a child. He will not see things the way you do regarding the boys. Co-parenting counseling would be really helpful if he'll agree.
I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. It can get better, but it will take time and a new approach. It took a lot of courage to extend the olive branch. Let your H sit with that awhile. Try to keep future communication very simple and light. He won't respond well to anything else.
Has your H acknowledged the court action?
Hang in there, B. I know this is terribly upsetting. You can do a lot for the boys by keeping your life with them routine and fun. I'm struggling with that myself. It's hard when you're dealing with so much and the future seems uncertain. Just do your best and forgive yourself when you fall short. You haven't been through this before and you're learning along the way.
