wow - talk about insane highs and lows. you are doing good i think & takin care of you- you are not suicidal or depressed yourself. you recognize the signs of the lows - you do not get ecstatic over any "highs".....
YOU ARE EXPECTING WAAAAY TO MUCH OF SELF - TO "be on top" of this all.....
you are merely confused and in a quandry every day about dealing with a giant giant giant contradictory , messed up guy. (who presents a different FACE every other minute, day, etc.)
what you are feeling - that it's "bad for you" - is JUST an honest perception of exactly what is going on in your life - you're being realistic & facing it straight on- who could ask for better???? you're just a (nice little gal) who is in a giant sucking mudhole - tryng to keep from going under. just natural- wouldn't you think???
how would you feel anything but confused and "at risk". just be sure to cover up your soft underbelly when you're going "there" to h-land. you know by now what you're going to get from him (the bad stuff - possibly) (you generally expect it) and then when something nice or good or unexpectedly positive comes along you can be amazed and wonder at it, but you don't begin to build a new love nest. YOU SOUND GROUNDED IN REALITY to me this a.m. - .
you sound like you're giving him options to communicate- be close - heal - - - BUT - he will not be able to "get to" your soft underside. know what i mean- you ARE THO keeping yourself "protected" and your little hard shell around heart for time being- that's about all you can do - no???
did that make sense??? i think yu're doing exactly what you should be- you sound good - your h would tell anyone else his skewed perception- you not letting him leave. WE ALLLL KNOW THE TRUTH OF THAT - THEY are doing what their own gut is telling them to do- not a darn thing more. it's alllll about them and their "disease" rite now.
feel good about yourself this minute- you sound as in control (of a stinkng tornado out of the blue) as anyone could be in this kind of a wacked our- no reason or order - kind of a natural disaster.
xxoo hang on buddy-
i'm jealous your h can even articulate - as usual - i'd kill for a sentence tht begins with I from my h. this stone-wall stuff is getting very very old.
thsi girl has lost or is losing her ability to anticipate- assume- read the bones & care even to do so.....
signing off - hope your day is okay .. YOU ARE STUCK, we allllll are (why else would we be here????? can't get in- can't get out-
just keep breathing and know you're in it with us all- same boat- a hand out will appear some day- we'll grab it when it comes i figure
