Not confused...moving towards acceptance

[wishing, hoping]

When you say you "put your hands up" what does that mean? Did you strike him? Do you put up your hands in self-defense? Assault means you threatened to do him harm or else he felt threatened. I think he's full of crap. What a jerk.

You could should change the locks and next time he comes barging through the house file a breaking and entering charge.

Did your attorney get back to you yet? You know, I really appreciate my attorney. He's tops. But it aggravates the he** out of me that they don't respond quicker.

Keep posting,
WH

[BRNR]

Ha WH - I put my hands up to block him and he told the cops I pushed him...yeah right!

I have long since changed the locks, another point H made that it was his house that he doesn't have keys to. I really don't care.

This all happened Wednesday night, so attorney's office was closed, as well as closed for the Fourth. I tried calling today, and guess what, closed again today. Won't be in until Monday.

[wishing, hoping]

Well if there were no witnesses it's considered heresay. And considering the size difference, I don't think his case holds water.

Poor man, being beaten up by his wife.

If he moved out, then he has given up the right to have access to the house, I believe. It's called abandonment.

ARG! Stupid holidays!!! Don't answer if your H calls and if he comes over call the cops!!

WH

[BRNR]

Poor man, being beaten up by his wife.

LMAO!!!

I can't 100% remember but the kids may have been there. The officer I talked to today said to me...

"Been there, done that, rode all the rides, bought the T-shirt"

If he moved out, then he has given up the right to have access to the house, I believe. It's called abandonment.

Yes it is, but he still does have some "rights"...but so do I. So I am not worried about this at all.

Actually, I am not worried one bit...he is digging himself lower into a grave that I don't know he will be able to get out of. He is scared and showing it big time in my opinion. He may be even starting to realize what his decisions are costing him, but unfortunately it is not enough for him to "wake up" and make all his wrong right.

Man oh man...one day I hope I get an apology for all this...

[nero]

hey hi brnr -

just reading around and saw your comment of a few days about about it all being us "circling " , etc.

struck me - as i too, this morning matter of fact, was struck with the whole "circle" thing- it's interesting and pitiful too- all of us - all of them - all stinking roaming around and around while they figure out if they can extract their heads from their _ _ _ _ _ .

idk- they are so nuts- i am like you- trying hard- then ranting & screaming and i too would love to take a sock at the nose of ow.

i would not be one in a million years. I hope Mr. wonderful does not plunk down in my face and then say he's married. i could not do it to another human being- honestly

i'm trying to be accep6ing also & move on- but we're here, aren't we - dbing - which means on some level we are still "standing" for our r's - holding pattern of sorts - still trying - still standing - still circling

while these guys hurt everyone in their path and search here and there for themselves. well, really they search you-know-where don't they???? oh any way- i'm just sayin hi and hear you and feel your frustration and pain.

i'd probably kill my h if i had kids he was hurting. trashing my heart is one thing- innocent trusting children- quite another.

mother bear syndrome -

Anyway- sounds like you're doing great and going forward - i'm thinking you sound perfectly normal for what we all feel- do and experience-

hang on - i'm pretty sure they are crazy and deluding themselves about everything in th4eir lives in order to not feel like rats (which they are).

hope your day is okay- xxo

nice that the hardware guy was flirting- even if he was a jerk- at least you're still pulling them in!! always good to know...

[wishing, hoping]

Actually, I am not worried one bit...he is digging himself lower into a grave that I don't know he will be able to get out of. He is scared and showing it big time in my opinion. He may be even starting to realize what his decisions are costing him, but unfortunately it is not enough for him to "wake up" and make all his wrong right.

Yes, you are right. The more they spew the more freaked out they are. Like caged animals lashing out. I keep trying to remember that. When H thinks he has something on me, he acts really nice. Then I know something is up and he wants something.

Man oh man...one day I hope I get an apology for all this...

Don't hold your breath. I would love to have my H crawl to me begging for forgiveness but it will never happen, unless I have something he wants. H would rather leave with his pride intact. He used to accuse me of never admitting when he was wrong. HA! That's the pot calling the kettle black!

WH

[Portia]

Oh, and is it still stupid that I almost feel I would still like to reconcile with this a$$hole? Not sure I feel this way, but I do.

I hope it isn't stupid because sometimes I am not sure what I would do if he ever started coming around. I don't suspect that he will come around, but still you think I would have it figured out by now.

[golf mom]

No it's no stupid to want to reconcile. That's why we all came here. A lot of bad things have happened along the way, but you are choosing to remember good things and you still have love in your heart for your H. I know you hate his behavior right now. It's hurtful and hard to deal with. Try each day to see him for who he is at that moment and let go of what he has done. If he is good with the kids or helpful acknowledge it. If you don't like something use your best DBing to make your feelings known. Your relationship can recover from this and if that's what you want you will need to build a bridge. It will start with trust and friendship. You can do this, WH. Start writing a new story.

[golf mom]

I meant, BRNR, not WH.

[BRNR]

Golf Mom, WH, Portia, Nero & Snodderly. Thank you for your comments on my thread these past couple of days.

With all the madness swirling around as of late, it helps to get an outside perspective of things.

Last week really broke me. It broke my self esteem and confidence that my actions and words have been the right things to do or the best way to go about things. I am not proud to say, that I even see that these recent events took a toll on my children tremendously.

I also needed to know how my boys felt about the things they saw and heard last week, to really understand what my boys wanted for the future and how I should proceed with the matters that I will face ahead. Unfortunately, even with good intentions, I may have even done the "wrong" thing with them. I pushed them too hard to talk, and it seems that even though I had the best intentions, I may have caused them to shut down emotionally about things. Something I want to be better at in the future.

So despite a nice weekend with my boys, there were still some emotional trouble spots. Time will heal these things, I just have to let it and not push so hard with them I guess.

I even tried to "figure out" how to rectify the situation with H enough to allow us to parent our boys without further conflict or harm to the boys.

So I tried to extend an "olive branch" of sorts this morning with H. When he picked up the kids, I politely stopped him from going to his car and just asked "Are you open to communicating about the boys and what is your preferred method preference?" H's responded by saying, "Yeah, phone, email, text or whatever" I will say H was very angry this morning. I had "hoped" that the weekend would give him time to settle down from last weeks events, but it seems that instead last weeks interactions may have been the final nail in the coffin for our marriage.

I even texted H shortly after just saying "Thank you for being open to communication about the kids in any form or fashion. It is very important to me that some kind of civility be built between us for them. The boys deserve both of us. I do apologize for actions that have made this task ahead for us difficult, but I am ready and willing to work to make things right. Thank you. Have a nice day."

I got NO response to this, and really do not expect one. I just don't know how to make this work for our boys. They have expressed so much, and have dealt and seen so much. How do I get them through this? It seems the best thing would be for H to leave them alone, but instead is dragging them into his new life that they want nothing to do with.

So feeling a little low and helpless, for myself and my children. Can't see how things can turn around even for them. And quite frankly, from their words, they would not want thier Dad back in our lives. This hurts more as I want nothing but a whole family and the love that H had for me to return. But they both think we are all better off. So I question whether I should be fighting for this marriage or letting it go. My children's opinions and feelings matter to me. Am I doing my kids an injustice as a mother to stand for something that even they don't want? What am I missing? What am I doing wrong?