Your H, at least at the moment, reminds me a bit of a teenager. Selfish and entitled (re: wanting to save money for his camping trip, while you don't have money), self-centered (re: being uncomfortable about coming home because D is "mean" to him. He's the parent!), and impulsive (re: using the 401K to pay off debt).
Has your H mentioned quitting or general dissatisfaction with his job before? I don't know, to me, the 401k thing sounds impulsive, especially considering the fees and taxes he'd have to pay to withdraw early?
Best you can do is take care of yourself, do things for yourself, do things that make you happy, spend time with your D. Steady yourself as best you can in the storm of his inconsistent emotions.
