Thought I Was Piecing, Now I'm Detaching 4

[25yearsmlc]

invite another person to watch your son while you drive the boat and buy a big mirror too.

Stop feeling as if you need her around. She's a real negative. And if I am picking up on Gabby's comments rights, it's that your kids DO sense or know your w is hostile to you and that you are happier and more relaxed without her around. Spending more time with your kids without her, is going to be a GOOD thing, PON.

Ironic, SHE claims SHE is happier without you around...


Didn't your wife SAY she did NOT want you to go have fun at the cape with the kids without her?

but SHE doesn't want to go...so she just wants everyone NOT to go? So, it's her wish for you to be miserable EVEN IF IT MEANS THE KIDS ARE MISERABLE TOO??

I guess she is NOT in the "parent of the year" contest with you, because their happiness is not as important to her as her anger and desparate need to be right.

I honestly think I'd have a hard time NOT laughing out loud if my spouse seemed angry at me for "Being mother of the year" and "buying things for the kids, and playing with them..."

I might ask her, "just so I'm clear, are you COMPLAINING about the time I spend with them, or the money I spend on them, or that we have fun together without you

or are you happy for us?"

AND OR maybe see if anything below feels authentic to you

"W, so you know, I do NOT resent it when the kids are happy with you, or when they play with you, or when you make them feel loved. In my book, that's a good thing b/c I want THEM to be happy and loved...and deep down I think you do too. I sure hope so anyhow. So when you seem to complain about me doing my best as a dad, it does not anger me. It makes me sad that you forget their happiness, and it makes me laugh b/c it's such a silly complaint AND We both know it."

DO NOT await a response from her if you say anything like this. When she feels you have "Scored a point" she lashes out every time and mostly, you let it get to you which reverse the effectiveness of whatever truth you just stated. Make sense?

so stop trying to paint me as a bad guy for being a good guy!"

It's pretty nutty PON, I might actually laugh while saying it.

So how are you doing with the anxiety and fears? ALSO re the OM

what's to say? I mean, she knows you know, right? AND She knows it bugs you.

Since I assume she is on the deed, is there anything LEGAL you can do to prevent OM from coming there again?

B/C I think this is another example of you saying you "want to talk about" and "set a boundary" but in reality, it's not enforceable. And what is your expectation from a "talk" with her about OM's presence at your home in your absence, when SHE KNOWS how you feel already?

You can file, but I don't know that you can prevent her from having OM over,BUT PLEASE ask your L about it b/c there are some adultery grounds in Mass...I KNOW your L said it's a hopeless cause, but I hope you realize that if it's on the books (and it is) then your wife may NOT know how hard it is to prove.

OR maybe your L is not into that type of case or hates going to trial. Always ask a L how often they go to trial. NOT that anyone wants to go to trial for divorce, but you have to be able to go or your gun has no ammo in it, you know?

But I think having OM over at the cape house while the kids are there and you are not, (or when the kids are not there either),
does NOT look good.

IMO, it's at least an EA. And if it's PA, is that a deal breaker for you?

And what does Deal breaker" mean to you? B/C I feel as if you already said an EA was...

no one here is holding you to that. You did Not make a "contract" with us to divorce your wife is she breaks your rules or violates the boundaries.

I merely want to remind you of the purpose of a boundary and how one gives away their power
by trying to control what they CANNOT control -or will not do anything about...

make sense?