7 months pregnant ... Facing separation

[slow_it_down]

Hey lost_hope,
Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.

I'm glad to hear your mom will be there with you in the OR (moms are good for stuff like that )

Hang in there girl!

[lost_hope]

Thanks slow_it_down. You are really sweet. We should stay in touch on the forum since we are going through the same thing at the same time. It is actually finally over between us.

I do have a tough time ahead of me. Now he is threatening me with a custody battle if I don't do what he wants with respect to the separation and divorce terms.

[slow_it_down]

Hey lost_hope,
I'm sorry to hear he's still giving you a hard time. The good news is that unless there is abuse/drug use/ criminal activity, I can't imagine any reasonable court taking custody away from you. Most courts like to keep the child with both parents as best they can and can help you come up with reasonable visitation.

It sounds like your H is just grasping at anything he can control in this situation and is using threats on what will rile you up the most. If you can find the strength to not let him get to you when you get into a conversation you will gain incredible power when you talk. Once you argue back it just fuels the fire.

Unless he's willing to talk calmly/fairly about separation/divorce/custody/support terms I would just seek actual legal counsel if you have concerns about what he is threatening to do rather than talking to your H about those things. I know my H only brings up D talk or threatens to get a lawyer when something else is bugging him. He's tried several tactics to rile me up and because I haven't bitten he keeps looking for ways to bait me into being angry with him.

I don't want to defend your H, but if he's feeling trapped/pressured he's going to continue to act out. Since he's the father of your baby he will be in your life for a long time. The sooner you can let him alone to just do his thing and work out his own issues the sooner he might get back to being someone reasonable that you can tolerate being around.

[lost_hope]

Thanks slow_it_down, my H is also doing this to lash out and you're right I will leave him alone. He has already since called me in a calm manner to discuss the condo and house closings, so he has already turned down that rhetoric. What happened today is that there was a heated discussion bc I guess I was misreading his buying the house with me as him perhaps wanting to give our family one more shot. My wires got crossed and for a few minutes that caused a severe argument and one of my famous crying/screaming/blaming (though not begging and pleading) meltdowns. To get me back for my meltdown he threatened me and threw in the bit about separation terms for good measure. Sigh.

Anyway, now that I am absolutely 100 % clear and no longer interested in DB I will just proceed without any expectations whatsoever. The damage to this M is done and he has hurt me one too many times. It hurts, I am so sad and lonely, and I want my friend and H back especially for my son BUT that is not the way my life is shaping up so I have to put on my big girl panties.

As for the separation terms I am going to let him proceed as he wants. As I mentioned in your thread I am satisfied that he will be paying 1/2 the mortgage and I will leave him alone for other things for now. I will let him see his son as much or as little as he wants. And I will let him stay with us (in guest room) as much or as little as he wants.

I am going to stay at home until the new year. I won't let this S/D or him affect the joy I want to give my son for the remainder of the year, so I will wait to file until I go back to work in the new year. But I have decided once and for all that I will indeed be filing. I can't have a PMA and be with him at the same time. We are not good for each other and our relationship is toxic.

Anyway, done rambling.