GM, My heart goes out to you. I know how hard this is.
I don't have much advice to offer - as I'm in the same boat atm - but I think you hit the nail on the head with the above observation.
I see my XH's (so uncharacteristic) behaviour around financial settlement as his way of demonstrating his hurt. Hurt that he believes I caused.
I hurt him SO much, he says. And this is how he's going to show me and the world (his new 'friends') the extent of what i did to him.
It is a childish, disempowered (in many senses) reaction to extreme hurt, guilt and shame (as backwards as that seems).
He has even told me that I "made him like he is now".
In terms of what to do, IDK for sure. But i feel like I don't have much option other than to continue on my path of pursuing a fair settlement through legal avenues (oxymoron?).
In my case, XH has struggled and threatened and ignored court orders and made a fool of himself in front of the Judge. Recently, he filed a discontinuance notice - and I have no idea what he has in store next.
And re the D - it's something i feared absolutely. Then when it came, it didn't seem so consequential. it didn't change anything, really. Other than to make XH behave nicer to me (he got something he [thought he] wanted), and it made me realise that it was a necessary step in closing off a relationship that had truly run its course. Sort of made a future with XH seem more likely rather than less, if you get what I mean.
So, for me fwiw, sitting still at this stage and continuing on my path regardless of what XH throws at me, has seemed to work. I still get spew and threats, but I also get some niceness from him. It just shows me that he is still deep in turmoil.
