Bad Timing and Making a Mess of Things

[slow_it_down]

Oh how quickly having a baby-on-the way drains the bank account...

So here's my newest dilemma, I've been out GAL, not contacting H at all, working on myself (l entertained company at my house yesterday rather than hitting a restaurant for a change!) and generally feeling very ok with being on my own.

However, I do need H to step up and pitch in on baby-related expenses and prenatal out-of-pocket costs. Now, one of the biggest reasons I blew up on him in the first place and one of our biggest points of contention is that when he moved in after we got married he never paid any money toward our family expenses/bills because he still had his own bills to take care of until he sold his house. Fair enough... I know that he did have a lot on his plate and I understood him not being able to contribute... that is, until he magically came up with cash to buy 2 boats and a sports car (where did that money come from?

Fast forward to today where it is going on 2 months of him saying he'll be putting a check in the mail toward the out-of-pocket bills I have so far and I have yet to see any money. He's told me its 'in the mail' several times but then follows up to say he forgot, got busy at work or his accounting people messed up his direct deposit for the account.

Nothing about him makes me believe he's a dead-beat dad that really has no intention of paying, but knowing him he does tend to let work take over and has almost 0% memory for taking care of things outside of work. I just don't know how to coax him into following through with things (like putting the check in the mailbox) once he's committed to them without making him feel guilty (nagging).

The one thing I always wished to be for him was his #1 cheerleader in life and to support him. So how do I get him to pay up without pushing him further away? I know once the baby comes along I could get court-ordered support, and possibly just have it docked from his check if need be, but honestly that doesn't put me any closer to having a good relationship with him in the future.

On the flip side, as I approach the 1 year mark from our BD (initiated by me), this whole situation reminds me that despite feeling sad and guilty for how things have gone in the 12 months since, I wasn't completely off base for feeling taken advantage of during our marriage. Clearly he is still making the same choices that made me crazy in the first place and some very specific work needs to be done before I could even consider R should the opportunity present itself.