Guess I belong here now...

[sweetbabyred]

Paige, thanks for responding to me. Yes, it is very difficult to talk to him, which is why most of our convo's have been by text.

I got to spend the day with my SS and had a great time. We played with legos, watched spongebob and went to the pool. At times it was sad though, because it kept reminding me of how this used to be my life and now it's not.

And XH told me that he's talking to several women right now and it just made me realize that he's looking for attention. He can't see what he's given up because he's too busy being the center of attention.

Admittedly, in the last three months he started boxing and has gotten in much better shape, but I'm sad that he's being so shallow and just wanting attention.

I hope that he's keeping these women away from SS, at least until he gets serious with one because it's not a good influence on him. Xh needs to show him what it means to be a responsible man and not act like a hormonal teenager.

I thought I was doing ok, especially after the D was finalized, but it just hit me again today about what I've lost in the last two years.

I hope that I can find someone to share my life with in the future, but I'm not sure if I can trust anyone again.

I was always afraid that I'd hurt H and that he needed me more than I needed him, so having this happen just took me by surprise.

I'm sure I'll be better soon, but I had hoped that most of the sadness was behind me. At least I can be proud knowing that I did everything possible to make our relationship work.

And that even at the very end, I would have kept trying if only he'd wanted to. Xh gave up on one of the few people in his life who never gave up on him.

I hope that one day he'll realize that, even if it doesn't make a difference in our relationship.