Accepting that it is your WAS's need and desire sounds like the worst thing you could possible do if you care about the marriage, but it's the only way that Chinese finger trap can get the space to release its tension. If she ever might change her mind that's the only place she could change it from.
Originally Posted By: dorightman
I understand this Advina. Does this mean that I give her a D? OR Does it mean that I continue to use DB techniques ?
...what are you asking when you want to know if I mean you should give her a D? You can't NOT give her a D, you understand? You can be a jerk about it or not, is what I'm saying. Which do you think MIGHT save your relationship?
...and what are you asking when you want to know if I meant that you should continue to DB? If I said no, stop it right now and act like that opposite guy, would you do that? FWIW I think you should continue to DB, but I think you already knew that.
I'm being obtuse, on purpose, to get you to clarify your own thinking. Don't imagine that this is a battle between Divorce and Divorce-Busting, because it's not. Divorce will happen if W wants it to, no matter whether you behave honorably or not, manly or not, kindly or not, but what kind of person are you? Divorce-Busting techniques are not just DB techniques, they are the right way to behave, and you know that too. You were probably hoping they were this thing you do to save your marriage, and if it doesn't work, oh well, you quit doing them. Now that you know what DBing is, would you stop doing it?
Giving your W peace, understanding, and space, is your best shot. Accepting that she needs something she's not getting from the marriage, and giving her the space to get that thing that she NEEDS is your best shot. Being the best man that you can be, whether it saves your marriage or not, is your best shot. Give it your best shot, ok?
You can want her to love you, and you can be sad that she's not, but there's no book in the world that'll make her love you. You just have to do the work you need to do so that, if she looks back, she sees something different and better than what she had before.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
