Sounds like the long hours in the lab are an escape and more-of-the-same for you. While H is away, sure it makes sense. But you might want to try training yourself to work reasonable hours and make sure work doesn't supplant other priorities like your family. You don't have to do this in plain view of H if you're doing it to correct a habit that helped damage your marriage it's for you, for your life, not a tactic he needs to witness.
OTOH if you're a student and this is a time-limited thing then you should probably just go for it and get it done. Just try to incorporate balance into your life so you know how to do it, and don't sacrifice other things that you really want, for your job.
You've painted a picture in which you have to work until 11 or 12 or you'll show no work and get kicked out of the lab, and there's probably a middle ground there. Don't exaggerate, and do take seriously that based on his comment, your commitment to working late into the night is going to negatively impact your relationships.
I get that you're exhausted from worry. I too have become too tired from other things to worry much about my relationship. I still work on it, and on me, but the worry part, that's a waste of time. Figure out what you think is the right thing to be doing, and stay focused on doing that. That, it sounds like, is giving him space and working on you so you will be a woman only a fool would leave. Keeping on that path, you won't get lost. It may or may not save your marriage but it is your best shot.
Sorry to hear about your grandma. Can you skype with her or write her letters or cards? Or work on your plans for a visit in August? I find, at least for me, taking some kind of positive action helps combat the depression.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
