The unexpected journey continues - next chapter II

[AJM]

You're very hard on yourself GM. But I think you know or see things when the time is right for you to know or see them. Not before.

Anger is not going to help you if left too long. Neither will shame. What you're describing is the pain you're feeling. I get that. Your H gets that too. I'm sure it's hard for him to deal with it, else he would. He should if you ask me. But perhaps he's not there yet.

I think you're on the right track though. Giving without the expectation of receiving in return is always the better and more fulfilling route (seems counter intuitive, but over time you'll see what I mean.)

For your L, you may have to have a talk with him about that. They do try to illicit emotions if they can. It helps them do their job. But it's not always helpful. I had that conversation with my L. She disliked my ex as did her own L. But I made sure to set her straight because I didn't want that to be the final word I had to say.

I was bitter and angry for a long time, GM. It takes time and effort and you seem pretty much at the point you want change. I think that's a great place to be, honestly.

You only have to do the best you can do and be you. He has to do his part on his own.

Peace,
AJ