Your in a very delicate state right now, you sound ( and I know you probably give your worste here as you should) , but you sound a little sad, maybe scared, unsure, and even pissed w a touch of confused. Heck, I just described myself!
i love you- you're so funny & NICE when you describe me and then tack on describes you too. it's good to have a bud in this- on this journey-
(i think you covered it all too - it does describe - me)
one day i'm all tough-guy- next i'm total wah wah baby. the pitiful confusing ups and downs. I've never been "this way" . but then- have never dealt with something as un-fathomable as THIS MLC (& dementia) stuff & mixed messages constantly from key players . it's not pretty is it? having to ask for help & seek support. you prop me- i'll prop you.
but i guess a time comes to everyone alive to need it. glad i can ask. maybe that's what happened to mom (and maybe h) they are the stiff-necked, tough-GUY to the end, "no surrender- no retreat" scorpios. it's a hard way to do it- life.
me- i think i'm tough, i'm also alot of tough-talk to bolster myself . funny thing is- i think that knowing it gives us more resilence & 'STRENGTH" in the end.
oh well- permission to be human sir....
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He just keeps saying enjoy your home and kids and life, let me be lost in the darkness! He doesn't want me to change a thing about our life, he called me his string!
short of calling me "his string" - my h says same. wtf is up with that anyway??? just ole guilt or caring (as they think?) ? my h is always saying hope you're out havin fun (in phone messages) & urges me to do things i enjoy. i'm sure his guilt over him being out there "grabbing" up what he perceives as pleasure all over the place.
wierd & wierder - he spends years ruining my day to day enjoyment of life, him, me and everything in it that i love & held dear- and feels the need to tell me to go enjoy it.!!!
luckily- i am able this year more and more to want to do what i love & enjoy it again- i shudder to think of a year ago-
NOT LOOKING BACK THERE MAN...
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We can't afford to stop or look back, it's to fresh, to easy to backslide! One day we can reflect and laugh and cry about this sh1t, but not yet! Hopefully, it's when our new future is happy and filled w lot of L, w whom ever we end up w!
amen brother (well, sister)
i'm a buddha girl myself- i do have a laughing buddha in my kitchin- (read a few books -) just to remind me - proper thinking. love the idea people are allll meant to be happy- entitled to feel happy-
that's the whole thing isn't it? there is nothing we can do to fix sitch or fix them- i'm feelin it today- it's allll so "outside" us.
was talking to neice 15 about her dad (alcoholic- spinning out of control - perhaps bit of an mlc also?) totally wigged & wanting to be telling hr about it- include her- sucking her DOWN AND she doesn't understand so much - never even had a boyfriend much less advise him??? he's soooooo sinking there at this moment - poor messed up man.
i keep telling her things get to people sometimes & they just have "crises" in life - SHE DIDN'T BREAK HIM- SHE CAN'T FIX HIM. don't pick up - whatever she has to do to deal with it- feel compassion yes, BUT IT IS - not her job to go down that road w/ him. it is his journey.
as i say it- i realize how wise it is and how much i believe it-
i listen and hope she can let herself off the hook
it's amazing isn't it - life, all of it-
i'm outta here. that one bunch of fabric/cloths/projects on bed to chop- chuck or recreate- has to disappear this morning.
am re-painting my four giant flags/fr. porch "shades" & decoration. woo hoo- very bright & cheery- look at me & my garden world-
send that pleasure out into the universe- something pretty to see & vehold.
i can do it- this morning. i even put a/c in my workroom- big plans for finish org that in p.m. too-
hope springs eternal huh? THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE- BEING YOU
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS OKAY- you're sounding very "even" these days- hope it continues and you have a wonderful day
