Hey, you're in real time! Sorry you're here but you can find support here.
It's unclear to me what your statement about the pregnancy (got wife pregnant while engaged) was meant to convey. Also, H and I were married 11 years before we had babies...waiting didn't bullet-proof our M. Stressors of any kind tend to magnify the weaknesses we night have, but can also bring out out strengths.
Learning to balance these is key.
What's up with your son? Poor guy. Is it bum luck or is he a thrill-seeker?
What do you take this statement by your W to mean, 'W later told me this was the 1st time she "put herself 2nd"'?
Has your W always held a job outside the home? If the D goes thru will she receive alimony?
Are you helping with her bills out of a loving heart or because you think it will entice her back? If there's a chance you're going to resent giving her the money, don't do it.
About your questions: yes, complimenting is a pursuing behavior. I wouldn't overdo it because then it does seem really insincere and if she equates it with ulterior motives, probably better to hold off.
About what you should look for...her to come to you and say-we've made a terrible mistake, let's work on this.
The positives for you right now are you do things together, keep working on you and the new You will show-up. And she will notice.
Actions speak louder than words.
I'm not a DB coach and have never consulted one, just my .02.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
