Yes it was me with the 17 years. If I go by what H says ( ) his first affair, a one-night stand he says, was after the twins were born and he had a vasectomy. We have 4 children together, he has 3 more from previous Ms so we thought permanent birth control was a good idea. We both did. He had waited until the twins were born healthy. I had been on bed rest for about 4 and a half months with the twins - no sex. Finally, the twins are delivered healthy!! Woo hoo! I'm off the couch and ready for "love". But of course, can't just yet because well, I'd just had 2 babies. Somewhere in here H has his vasectomy. And the reality of dealing with 4 under the age of 4 SLAMS into me, so I'm still ready for "love" but not as "ready" as I had been in the first euphoric days after the twins birth. And then, while shopping one day I was in the baby aisle and realized that this was it. That my baby aisle days were numbered. Now, keep in mind, I didn't want any more kids. But, I was a little saddened that day, to realize a chapter of my life had ended.
And now comes the bad part. I went home and told this to H. But he didn't hear me. He heard.
I thought I wanted to have sex while I was on bed rest, and before you had the vasectomy. But now that you've had the vasectomy I don't want you any more.
The above equaled a starting gun on the race for "numerous women".
I have apologized and explained the true meaning of what I told him 4 million times. But he was imprinted by what he heard, and there's no erasing it. Of course, he didn't tell me at the time how he took what I said, it only came up with the revelation of the As. By that time the imprint was deep.
I think H could still be a good man. Not a perfect man, and not even perfect for me. But I don't need perfect, I need someone who strives to do what's right regarding a M.
H has trouble settling for less than perfect in himself or others. He has by now decided that he only fools around because the marriage, or me, is flawed. If I was more perfect he would love me better and wouldn't stray. (He has said this, no mind reading.)
Your H may not be the man you thought he was. But you may still think he's the man for you. We have to come to grips with loving someone who makes mistakes, really bad hurtful mistakes. But if we only love the person who we thought we knew, maybe we never loved fully?
I don't know how we "reconcile" all this. I guess we change our definition of marriage. Disney does a disservice to real life marriages. I have heard the Innuit have many words for snow. Maybe we need many words for marriage because not all marriages fit the "mold" popular culture feeds us.
Take care Nero. I'm off to fastfoodland job. Its a mile away. All flat lands
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
) his first affair, a one-night stand he says, was after the twins were born and he had a vasectomy. We have 4 children together, he has 3 more from previous Ms so we thought permanent birth control was a good idea. We both did. He had waited until the twins were born healthy. I had been on bed rest for about 4 and a half months with the twins - no sex. Finally, the twins are delivered healthy!! Woo hoo! I'm off the couch and ready for "love". But of course, can't just yet because well, I'd just had 2 babies. Somewhere in here H has his vasectomy. And the reality of dealing with 4 under the age of 4 SLAMS into me, so I'm still ready for "love" but not as "ready" as I had been in the first euphoric days after the twins birth. And then, while shopping one day I was in the baby aisle and realized that this was it. That my baby aisle days were numbered. Now, keep in mind, I didn't want any more kids. But, I was a little saddened that day, to realize a chapter of my life had ended.
Take care Nero. I'm off to fastfoodland job. Its a mile away. All flat lands 
