A little frustrated with moderation. Would be nice to get responses.
Went for hike with W yesterday. Again, fun and she seemed pretty relaxed. The heat has been brutal here (90s) and W was worried when I went for my afternoon run later. Had birthday dinner for D last night with W and D's boyfriend. Pretty enjoyable. W cleaned up kitchen afterwards and we went shopping together for a few quick things. I took the kayak out in the evening for 20 minutes.
Will go to church together with D this morning, don't have plans for the rest of the day.
Based on the advice several have been given by their DB Coaches, I have a few questions:
Pursuing Behavior: I am scaling back on the texts (no flirty stuff, no "what are you up to?"), not initiating discussions, keeping interaction limited to discussing D, no future talk, but I'm confused since I'm not sure what her perception is of the limited exchanges we've had. Example: In the past she always felt I was manipulative or had ulterior motives if I complimented her (wasn't true, she's had self-image issues and reacted this way), so she is wary if I compliment her. This is getting better and I think she no longer doubts my sincerity most of the time. Could complimenting her be considered pursuing behavior? Is it simply the difference between saying "You look nice" vs. "You look hot/sexy/distracting?"
Solution Detection: W is very stubborn and can be very emotionally distant when she feels her version of past events, or future without me, is threatened. I am very careful of what I discuss or how I respond, partly to protect my own emotional well-being, partly to not make her defensive. So I get very little feedback other than she seems more relaxed around me, nothing verbal, maybe limited touching (none yesterday). Although she hasn't asked about the lawyer or found a way to bring it up in more than a week, all I have to go on is her wanting to keep going with the divorce. Not sure what would be positive about this or what I should look for.
M:46 W:46 M:25;T:29 S:25; D:17 BD:12/22/12 D process begun:1/21/13 W moves out:3/1/2013
Anyone who isn't embarrassed of who they were last year probably isn't learning enough- Alain De Botton
