lost and alone now

[Bluedown]

Kelela,
I feel your emotions in the words you type. I feel those same feelings. I've started to watch TED talks online every night. It's generally uplifting messages from some very smart and successful people. I've talked to so many different people looking for answers to make the pain go away. Nothing seems to work except for when I resolve in my mind that I'm going to be ok whatever the outcome. You're a strong women who's worth isn't tied up in a man or a husband. I'm just starting to realize that my worth and purpose in life isn't just being a husband and provider. Hang in there Kelela....you can make it through these rough times.

[kelela]

That is so cool you learned a native word from my hometown. Mahalo nui loa for being there through all my many downs and ups. I will keep on GAL and try to keep moving on. I know its going to be one day at a time and I know I will have many more low days and hopefully more up days. And to all my new friends that have been supporting me through all of this I truly appreciate it very much. If it wasn't for a wonderful friend that had shared this site with me I wouldnt know what to do or how to talk about what going on inside of me. This person had told me to use this site as a journal to let my feeling flow out and by doing this It will help me to be more at peace with myself. And Now I have a place to come to and just let things come out instead of holding it all in like I normally do. One day I hope to give advice and support to others like how everyone is giving to me. Again Mahalo nui loa to everyone.

[TryingToDo180]

The link that you need for Joe Beam and is Pies is at a website called marriage helper. I'm sorry I can't post an exact link here, but apparently we're not allowed to!
I also feel your pain If you can have that bit of hope locked up inside you instead of a lot of hope then that helps
Have a read of Joe Beam, he's really good at explaining things

[JaxFL14]

Kelela,
I'm here with you. The pain your feeling we all feel. Everyday is a roller coaster and we just want to get off of it. I was told in a post the other day after I posted I was going to dinner with my WAS, that 2 months gone is far too short for my W to be conning out of the fog. They were right. She was only being nice and had no feelings of wanting us to work. MARATHON!!!!! We don't want to hear it but its the truth. Keep doing what your doing, attempt to GAL and stay busy. And I'll be doing the same along with you. God bless.

[kelela]

Thank you yes it does feel like I'm on a roller coaster some days are great and some days are really bad. And it will be a long time for things to heal for myself and my boys. My boys are so much stronger then I am; I'm so happy that my boys are here for me they keep me going and getting me out of bed every morning. I owe my boys so much they have been helping me around the house and keeping me happy every day my 8y old loves giving me tons of hugs and kisses everyday and he tells me every morning that everything will be ok.

[TryingToDo180]

Kelela,
I'm here with you. The pain your feeling we all feel. Everyday is a roller coaster and we just want to get off of it. I was told in a post the other day after I posted I was going to dinner with my WAS, that 2 months gone is far too short for my W to be conning out of the fog. They were right. She was only being nice and had no feelings of wanting us to work. MARATHON!!!!! We don't want to hear it but its the truth. Keep doing what your doing, attempt to GAL and stay busy. And I'll be doing the same along with you. God bless.

I agree that 2months is too soon My H has gone nearly 3 months now and although he seems to be getting closer to me, I'm not taking anything for granted! I'd rather take things slowly, than h to move back in and then leave again!

[kelela]

I so wish I can just let go and move on with my life but I just can't. I would really like to find happiness once again. Its not fare that H had found OW to make him happy. I wish he had talked to me about not being happy in our marriage before he started his A's I know we could have worked them out. And now he doesn't come home anymore. I know what you all are gooding to say this is just how I'm feeling right now.

[TryingToDo180]

Kelela, this happened to me as well. My H didn't tell me exactly what had gone wrong in our marriage until it was too late! I'm sorry that you're suffering
I'll tell you what I did when my H first walked out on me, I decided I was going to get him back no matter what! At first I rushed things and when things started getting better my H panicked I think and probably thought all he wanted to be was a friend and he backed off. Next thing I know, he told me he was going to see a solicitor. I was devasted! There's me thinking that things were getting better between us and all along he was just stringing me along! I thought he was learning to love me again.
This time I'm being very patient and taking each day as it comes. I'm doing a 180 on him, which isn't easy when you're used to phoning them nearly everyday. The tables are starting to turn around and it is H that is contacting me more I'm still taking nothing for granted though and still think in the back of my mind that he is filing for D so he just wants to be friends. I'm just going to wait it out and see what happens
I've gone off topic a bit now. I was going to tell you what I did! I started surfing the internet, I put in exactly what I felt into the search engine and came up with some really positive stories of how couples have started back together again. I am hoping though it's not going to take 2 years for us to be R, I don't know if I can wait that long, lol.
I'm going to give you a few pointers that you can work on if you choose to or not. We're all going through the same heartache and pain, but you must bury that deep inside for the sake of your health and your children.
1. If you have faith in God, give your H over to him and let him look after the situation. Go to Church and Church activities on a regular basis. Try to be in God's presence as much as possible and surround yourself with good Christian friends.
2. Search on the internet for any lone parent groups in your area that you can take your children along to. This really helped me when my H had his affair the first time around. I soon got my life back by going here. You'll meet a lot of people in the same boat as you. I went on holiday with them and was invited out for nights out and parties around people's houses.
3. Come onto the forums regularly and post often, search for inspirational stories on the internet that will lift you up.
4. Read, read and read some more! Reading good self help books really helps. Don't just reading improving your marriage books but books that concentrate on your personal development and PMA.
I hope this helps I know you think that we're nagging you or hitting you with 2x4s but it's only because we care and don't like to think of you suffering I still have dark times, but I try to keep upbeat with PMA and getting out all the time
Speak to you later

[mizjjd]

I so wish I can just let go and move on with my life but I just can't.

Change to I so wish I can just let go and move on with my life but I just can't YET

See what a difference that one little word makes? Kelela, you are rushing rushing rushing things! All that you want to come to you takes TIME. You are like the little kid in the back seat asking "Are we there yet?" 5000 times.

Patience my little friend. What you are feeling right now is what you should be feeling right now. You've been mistreated by one of the people in this world who should never ever mistreat you.

If you didn't despair, didn't feel sad, weren't angry, it would mean something was not right in your melon! Or your heart.

Maybe tweak your inner dialog just a bit.

I am sad becomes I feel sad.

I am lonely becomes I feel lonely.

You aren't your feelings. Read that again. You aren't your feelings.

You feel sad, you aren't a sad person.

You are a great person!

Keep feeling Kelela, you are doing great.

And as always, keep breathing!

[kelela]

Thank you I will look into those sites you have mentioned. And I don't think that everyone is nagging or hitting me with a 2x4. Everyone here has been very kind and helpful and I know I'm always poor me and I'm wanting everyone to feel sorry for me. I know everyone is going through The same as me or their situation is worst then mine. This is just a way to let my feelings come out. I'm that type of person that keeps everything bottled up inside and one day it will all just bursts open and I'll make the biggest mistake in hurting The wrong person. I was thinking buying a journal book but I didn't want to leave out in case my sons or H to find it and read what or how I'm feeling about this whole situation. And I so much appreciate everyone's help here on this site. So when I have ppl hitting me with a 2x4 I don't take it as they are being mean sometime I do need to hear the hard responds back from everyone. My friend Here in my town that has been with me since day one she always wants to hit me on the head with a 2x4 cause I have a hard time listening to her suggestion on how to handle this situation. This is how I stop thinking so much then one little thing and back to poor me once again. This is what I have to work on is stop being poor me and start to live again.