Stuck between a rock and a hard place!

[MrBond]

"I never did, but she did say she noticed that I softened. I will have this discussion with her. To have a SAFE word we can use in arguments that ends it immediately right?"

That ship has sailed. You were supposed to have it BEFORE the C session, but you didn't listen. Timing is everything and you missed your window. Now if you bring it up, she will just get upset.

"I'm not sure I agree or maybe I misunderstand you here Bond. I think whether she feels safe or not, she still is sure she wants a D. "

You're wrong. And let's face it, you've never had her feel safe anyway. You didn't put any effort into it because it wasn't important to you. THAT is why she wants a D. You continue to guess that she wants a D whether you try something or not. More excuses. You haven't done anything to get you M on track. Sure I'm sure you're a better father, but that just repairs what you did to your kids, not your W.

"I understand her needs,"

No you don't or else you would have done something about it by now.

"but you're right, I haven't respected her wishes. Is there anyway to respect her wishes without selling the house and getting a D?"

I can't help someone who refuses to listen or act.

"Would it be too much to ask you for a simple plan of action?"

Yes it is too much to ask. I've explained what to do time and time again. But even something as simple as the safe word, you couldn't do. You're not going to act anyway, so your M will slip away.

"my voice does raise in intensity when we argue, but nowhere near what I did before."

Wow props to you. It doesn't matter the intensity. It matters WHAT you say and do. You don't get it.

"I do not call/text her, I just respond to her calls/texts. I rarely tell her I love her anymore. I do not try to hug/kiss her anymore. I do not ask her where she's been or where she's going. I do not snoop anymore. I don't follow her around the house. I try not to argue or talk about the R. I never talk about the R when the kids are around. I don't make plans w her. "

None of these things addresses her trust issues with you. And lets be real. She has no guarantee that you won't go back to being the way you were before. You've gone back on it time and time again.