Instead of punishing the friend for repeating what your h told her (= punishing the messenger) Why not use that comment as insight into how your h sees things? Because that is the truth--HE believed it when he said it, anyhow.
Contrast that negative image he has, with a Positive image or comment. For instance instead of cutting Her off, because His comment hurt you, tell her another truth, which is that you " sure hope he's not depressed Because of you, because You want him to be happy. However, you've learned that WE are all Each responsible for Creating our own happiness." And you wish nothing but good things for him. That's a loving healthy comment to make.
Then be upbeat, showing your new PMA.
Otherwise, by feeling angry & hurt because HE told her he's feeling better now, you just fuel His concerns...you must counter those negative views, not confirm them.
Make sense?
Remember, this isn't about being "right" and we MUST NOT keep scorecards in our marriages.
Even good families sometimes hurt each other. The lethal problem is when we keep a litany of grievances and constantly Measure what We THINK WE have done that was good, vs what We think They have done to harm us.
Our spouses have a different scoring system. Usually, on THEIR scorecards, we are Not ahead... So i strongly suggest you drop the scorecard. TT, if i recall your family dynamics well, you were brought up with lots of score keeping, judging, controlling and some co-dependent issues.
You do Not have to repeat those behaviors in your marriage.
You Can break the cycle & you must, if you are to move forward.
Like my coach said, Keep the Road Home, Paved & Smooth...
so don't make it harder than it already would be, for him to come home.
None of this means you should Enable him to avoid responsibilities, but it's not your job to teach him a lesson or show him the consequences of his actions either.
As my coach said, " Life teaches them lessons, not spouses."
I think you need to do some deeper digging, and be brave about it.
Those of us on the " other side of this ordeal" all had to face some things in us that were Not easy or fun to face.
But it's so worth it.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
