forget the cliff- do you hear!!! bad girl , bad bad girl.
Yeah yeah, I know. Can't say it hasn't crossed my mind though - if I'm being completely honest. But I have kids. Do you think I'm going to leave them to their father's influence??
But thank you Nero
And I like your pragmatic approach. That is quite often what keeps me from heading for the hills. (Of course, we don't have any hills around here either lol) And IDK if that makes me rather .... mercenary? When I first came to DB and I mentioned my finances being a deciding factor of my "standing" I was informed this meant I was "acting out of fear". (And that comment really ticked me off.)
Lol. But you were so right when you said "money matters alot" The truth of the matter is that financially I am better off with H than without. Which means my kids are better off.
And my kids are better off without their stability "crumbling" as well. I do believe that. And on my stronger days all this, finances and kids, keeps me on the path. Just not having "stronger" days right now.
Maybe I just need time to get used to the "ring". It is after all, just another leaf on the tree. I think that it "confirms" something to me. (Not basing my opinion on too much guess work here, am I? Lol.) And its different dealing with a confirmed sitch vs a suspected sitch.
So maybe, no matter what the story behind the ring, maybe finding it was a good thing. Because it pushes me farther from H. And I think "farther" = "better".
Originally Posted By: LindaM
I'm sorry J, I didn't mean to sound preachy
Preachy? Never crossed my mind. You sound like an optimist, and somebody who believes in love.
That is awesome. I admire you for it. You seem to like my H better than I do. And you definitely see a rosier future for us than I do.
I wish I could be more like you Linda. Truth be told, alot of my motivation to "stand" was outlined in the first part of this message.
I don't think I believe in love anymore. I don't know what I feel for my H. Frankly, I don't like him that much. And I don't know if by "him" I mean the real him or the him he is/has been for the past 15 or so years. Did he change from the man I met? Did I change? We both did, I am sure. But he seems to have some fundamental philosophies that are at such odds with my own core beliefs... the whole racism and squish game mentality.
So now I have to question my own ability to love, my own failings.
Gosh this is exhausting stuff.
Thread title pulled from Miranda Lambert's "Not My Mama's Broken Heart" (lyrics-as-thread-title seems so trendy right now so I thought I'd jump on the wagon.) I love that song I love it LOUD in my car!
And I'm going to work on hiding my crazy. Because its not helping anything or anyone.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
