Stuck between a rock and a hard place!

[MrBond]

"Yes I had a plan, a plan to go in w an open mind."

I don't know how many times I've told you that that isn't a plan. It's why your W had a problem with you and STILL has a problem with you. Yet you refuse to change.

"The issue of me moving back never came up."

Yes it did. SHE had brought it up before.

"W was angry the day I came back,"

Of course she would be. And I bet you never discussed the plan I recommended to you about how she could feel safe by using the safe word. You never let her feel SAFE! I don't know how many times I need to say that before it sinks in for you.

"and then she was ok."

Just because she didn't bring anything up doesn't mean things were 'ok'.

"We both started talking, not sure who started first. It was a pretty calm talk, but it still hurt a lot."

You should have avoided this altogeher. AND the talk would not have happened if you allowed her to feel safe around you.

"It just feels the same no matter what I do or did for the past year.
Yes I made alot of mistakes in the beginning, but for the past 6 months I've acted much better, less emotional."

That's fine, but you haven't learned how to progess beyond that.

"She's not scared to talk anymore, but feels like it's a dead end because we both want different things. She wants D, I want to reconcile. This has been the problem from the start last August."

It always is the problem, BUT you could have changed all this.

"You cannot work on a relationship with someone who refuses to. I really feel like there's nothing else I can do."

Geez I don't know how many times you need to go through this. It's not sinking in with you. You're STILL doing what you want and not respecting her wishes or understanding her needs. THAT's why things haven't changed.