"I get annoyed with the endless little 3-minute talk show segments on "tuning up your love life" by going out to a restaurant, getting a babysitter, helping with the chores. Seriously? If that advice alone worked for everyone there would be no need for therapists."
Again, that's in healthy relationships. The sad thing about your sitch is that you never had a chance to experience a healthy relationship before, so you're pessimistic about M, sex and relationships in general.
The strongest thing we can do is the Athol Kay MAP. MAP like your life depends upon it. Be your best physical presentation, dress and take care of yourself. Take care of your life.
You will also do best by STOP doing some of the things you do to make their life easier. Give them LESS time, LESS attention.
We've spent years, rewarding bad behavior - and a bad balance is the current "homeostasis"... To correct it require discomfort, and there still is no guarantees.
