My H has come to that conclusion. He even said yesterday, when we were joking about something being my fault "I'm pretty sure I was even blaming you for the economy! I think the middle east was next"
Once we get out of the way, and focus on ourselves, hopefully they will see that we are not the cause of every problem.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
AnotherStander, I agree with the point that OP is almost always a step down. I also agree that WAS wants LBS out of their lives and they think that it would make them happier. My H didn’t blame me for everything. He had the specific complaints, which he thought caused the disconnect in everything else. He said that there is nothing I can do to change what he thought was wrong in our R. In other words, he didn’t believe that I could change. I think he started to doubt himself a little. I feel that the changes in me are noticeable and permanent. Our mutual friend told me that he saw the changes, and this is something that he would not normally notice.
I agree that it takes a lot of time for WAS to believe in changes.
Tallula, thanks for stopping by. I’ve been following your sitch and I’m happy that your H is finally seeing that not everything is your fault. I hope that one day my H will see that the problems in our M were not only just my problems, but he had his contribution too. And if he is willing to address this, I might still be there.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Quick update. My GF flew to visit me. We drove to our vacation place yesterday. It is very hot here, so we are in a pavilion on WiFi.
My H sent me a text yesterday telling me that he used one of the credit cards for Costco. He apologized for using the card and said that he will plan ahead next time. He also asked if I canceled him from the health insurance, since he is good with VA. I replied back a couple hours later and said “no problem” and that I haven’t canceled him from the insurance yet. He didn’t reply back, and then I was out of the cell service area. I thought that I was kind of weird for him to apologize about using the credit card. My GF suggested that he might be depressed again.
I’m trying not to think about H and have a good time here again. My GF likes it here a lot too!
Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I'm glad you're having a relaxing weekend with your friend Bright. Your H just can't stop texting you can he LOL! I bet you're right about him first believing you could not change, then noticing the changes, and now realizing that the changes are permanent. He probably is depressed again, he's still foggy but maybe starting to clear up a bit! Hang in there! Enjoy your weekend. I have to work this evening but would appreciate you having a margarita for me, since I can't
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Thanks, Linda and Tori. I’m still in Mexico with my GF. We are having great time! She likes it here a lot. We’ve met with mutual friends (my and H’s), went to the sea (the water temperature is amazingly warm), to the pool, and yes, I did have a couple of margaritas! I think we will stay for a couple more days. My GF had a deep fried fish that she said is only possible to get in Mexico. So, we are going to do it again with more margarita. Linda, I will definitely have one for you .
My friends here didn’t talk about H and I didn’t ask anything. But, some people from that group that H used to hang around here were surprisingly friendly. Not sure why. I drove his car again, and maybe they are just confused now. Or, maybe it is the people that I bring with me, first my sister and now my GF. They are both very pretty and definitely stand out in the crowd in this place.
In any case, we are just having fun.
BTW, my GF didn’t see me since last December and she said that she sees the changes in me too. She said that I have a different expression on my face, more relaxed and open. I feel good about myself. I know I deserved to be happy and I know that I can be happy on my own. I feel that wish my H happiness more often than I feel resentment. So, this is all good.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
A few margaritas agrees with you, you sound good and content. Ah, life on the ocean. I am a tiny bit jealous (OK, more than a tiny bit!)
I think non-confrontational contact with your H is great. It does not have to be earth shattering, but if he feels comfortable contacting you - for whatever reason - I think that is good progress. Certainly a step forward from when he was not contacting you.
Your friends are being friendly because they know how tough this is. They may not know exactly how it feels, but I don't have to cut a finger off to know it hurts, right?
Now, have a few more drinks - make sure your sunscreen is reapplied and ENJOY yourself!!
Feeling down today. Maybe the weather. We came back from Mexico on the 4th and had a dinner at my sister’s house. My brother-in-law (my H’s brother) came, my son and his GF were there and we all had a good time.
Portia, we did have a few more margaritas before leaving there.
While I was in our vacation home my H called and left a message. He wanted to access my computer to enter his business expenses. He asked if I was in our vacation home (his phone call went direct to the voice mail and he guessed that I was out of town.) I picked up the message on Monday. I sent him a text on Thursday acknowledging his message and letting him know that I was in our vacation home and that I was driving home and I would let him know when my computer is available. He didn’t reply and I haven’t heard from him since. I didn’t contact him either. Not sure, if he got pi&&ed that I didn’t return a message for a few days and pretty much ignored him. He knows that the credit card would be due by now, but he didn’t bother to contact me again to enter his receipts. I don’t know if he expecting me to call him or what??? I’m a bit lost at the moment. I probably need to let him know that I paid the credit card. But, I don’t feel like contacting him myself.
My GF is still here with me. She had a couple of bad days. She is going through some tough financial and personal issues. I’ve been trying to support her, but I feel that her problems start to affect my moods and bring me down. I’m trying not to show it though. On the top of things my car keeps breaking down and costing me more money. Good thing I have H’s car, so I can get around. I need some positive things in my life right now.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
"I need some positive things in my life right now." I will sound New-Agey, but it's the truth: by saying this, you are putting yourself in a position of needing (lacking) good things in your life. So guess what will happen. You will attract more lack. Focus on what is good in your life. Take a break from your friend's complaints if you feel you need it, and prioritize yourself for a while. I don't think you can help your friend if you yourself are not feeling great. So wait to help till you're ready.
What is good about your life? Things I know: You have a vacation home (how many people can say that?) You are healthy (for what I know) You have a son who wants to spend time with you. You have friends to go on a trip with. You have the resources to go on a vacation. You are growing as a person. You are better than you used to be!
But I spent a week looking at the positive in every situation, there always is one. Course I keep it to myself, because people would bludgeon me if I constantly was going around saying "Oh, look on the bright side...."
But it changes your outlook without you even knowing it....
