NERO here- don't let me float away anybody

[RosaLinda]

"if "confession is indeed good for the soul"

then let me just say- all this theorizing & bits of wisdoms & "getting detached" and gal - and alllllllll this crappola i think about & say & even believe - some smart - some dumb

i have to confess that it all doesn't really change one darn thing - does it??? we are scabbing up and one tiny bit more insulated from it"

Oh Nero, I know we cannot feel it doing any good right now, but I think GAL and detaching will get us through this. I've done more than my share of  sitting around crying, feeling sorry for myself, panic stricken, horribly horribly depressed, and still have crying jags that just come over me unexpectedly, like my sock incident at work. But I think we need to detach from the craziness, the perceived lack of love, the lonliness, to keep sane. And to do GAL activities to stay busy and occupied and happy. 

I'm so jealous of you and Bea and your gardens. I had a small but lovely garden, and was learning to grow flowering perennials from seed. I remember gowing and finally transplanting some baby columbine, it was SO exciting, but the next day every one was gone and there were deer tracks. I HATE deer  more than OW! And that's a lot! Over the next few days they ate everything, roses, irises, daisies, hostas. My sons bought me a book about plants deer won't eat, like peonies, lavender, salvia, black eyed susan, but the deer had not read the book. Oh well. If my H ever finishes the fence, maybe you girls will help me start it again. 

I'm sorry you are going thru such a hard time with your mom Nero. It must be so frightening to be old and confused, and think that people were in your house moving your stuff. Do you think she might end up living with you? Or in one of those "assisted living" facilities maybe? 

You wrote "i honestly wonder what really is his capability for love. the depth it COULD go in him. perhaps - he's so emotionally messed up that he will forever be soooo superficial that he cannot be a person that views the loss of someone else as life threatening to him. me- i'd walk thru fire - i know myself. just unable to put a limit on what i'd do to have/keep someone i adore. no kidding.

idk if that's so good or not- just who i am. i have a notion who most of us here are. THAT TYPE. LOVE first - rest next."

I was wondering the same thing this morning! Why so many people just get divorced, but we are on this forum fighting for our marriages. You're right, we view the loss of our spouses as life threatening, but our Hs don't feel a damned thing. But I think it's just temporary Nero. They will wake up someday and get their feelings back. Like novacaine wearing off your mouth after dental work. I hope!!  :)