I will pray for you and with you. I can't believe your lawyer would just leave you hanging like that!! I am so sorry!! There is no way your Attorney and your H's could be "in bed" together is there? I have heard stories of attorneys making deals with each other and letting the clients know what their "recommendations" are and those may or may not be actually in the clients best interest. A friend of mine told me stories which have me convinced that her attorney and her X's attorney were in cahoots.
Get on the phone with that attorney ASAP Monday AM and let her have it. You should be running this show. She is representing you and if she has no intention of representing you properly, she should step down.
Aint nobody got time for that. WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Thank you WH. I really appreciate your prayers. I will pray for you as well. You've had a rough ride. I certainly hope things settle down for you soon.
There's no way my attorney has ever met H. She's located in a neighboring city, far from where H lives and works.
I woke up feeling very anxious. My biggest concern is survival. I'm trying very hard to regain perspective. What's the worst that can happen on Monday? The D will be granted. Emotionally I will be fine, in time. It doesn't change H's financial obligations to me and the boys. However, it does allow him to move forward with a housing purchase while my living situation is very much on the line, something he is controlling. I would hope that the judge would see how self serving H's actions have been. H has been very secretive since he left and to grant the D prior to a settlement just gives him the court's stamp of approval. This isn't just about being D'd. It's about doing whatever he wants and not having to answer to anyone.
Thank you, mizjjd. I really appreciate the support. I was writing a long post to you when you posted to me. I don't remember either of us posting to the other before today. There is a reason.
I am trying very hard to just accept that whatever will be, will be. I don't have any control. However, I want to believe that my good actions will outweigh H's bad ones. Regardless of what H believes I know I'm a good person and I make good, responsible choices. I am loving, caring and kind. I want to believe that the way I have lived my life will get me what I need in the D and beyond. I don't want to live with the fear of H's choices and perceived power and how that might change the course of my life.
Regardless of how my attorney feels, we need to be in court on Monday. This is about standing up for myself and being heard even if I don't win. It's about my credibility. I believe to grant the bifurcation further enables H. He has been running amuck without ramifications. He has been blaming me for finances and ruined relationships. He has been controlling me with money. He has a lot and I have very little. He has options and security that I haven't had. I want to trust that by telling the truth the judge will make a ruling that does not further allow H to be controlling and elusive and basically off the hook. He needs to be accountable. He needs to be transparent. He needs to be responsible to me and the boys. That's the way I see it, however I'm learning that in my state there isn't a lot of accountability. Rather there are a whole bunch of laws that support entitlement without regard for morality.
I just spoke with my attorney. There's no reason to fight the bifurcation. I will likely be D'd on Monday. It's sad, but I gave it my best. I'm sure I will grieve a bit, but I need to focus on the business side.
It's clear that my former attorney created a lot of animosity and the present one would like to diffuse it. If she were just mediating between H and me she would likely be successful, but dealing with opposing counsel is another issue. He is young, likely has few clients and has a super big ego. This is about his win and the payout that follows.
As for Monday and going forward, I need to use all of my DBing skills to get through this D in order to get the best possible outcome for everyone. It doesn't serve my boys to be at odds with H. Fighting with him won't bring fairness or get him to see where he is wrong. It's hard to let to go of the need for an apology or to be given what I'm owed financially. Those things may happen, but not because I want them or I feel I'm entitled.
So, moving forward, and this is hard, I need to silence my ego and do the best I can to validate, etc. I need a script so I don't go off track. I would love advice and guidance from those of you that are so much better at this than I am.
My attorney asked me to extend the olive branch, suggesting a lot of language to use (former DBer?). So, I took a deep breath, made sure I had the best of intentions in my heart and called H. He didn't answer and I saw no need to leave a message. When he is ready he'll communicate. I will respect that.
Calling was odd after so much time (over a year), but also familiar. It seems like a lifetime ago that we talked throughout the day.
A relationship, of any kind, will not be restored quickly. I have no expectations, so no disappointment. H very much lives by too little, too late. He is not forgiving and likes to punish. He doesn't apologize, show gratitude or except shortcomings or faults. Maybe he will learn along the way and become forgiving when he is shown forgiveness.
