I am trying very hard to just accept that whatever will be, will be. I don't have any control. However, I want to believe that my good actions will outweigh H's bad ones. Regardless of what H believes I know I'm a good person and I make good, responsible choices. I am loving, caring and kind. I want to believe that the way I have lived my life will get me what I need in the D and beyond. I don't want to live with the fear of H's choices and perceived power and how that might change the course of my life.
Regardless of how my attorney feels, we need to be in court on Monday. This is about standing up for myself and being heard even if I don't win. It's about my credibility. I believe to grant the bifurcation further enables H. He has been running amuck without ramifications. He has been blaming me for finances and ruined relationships. He has been controlling me with money. He has a lot and I have very little. He has options and security that I haven't had. I want to trust that by telling the truth the judge will make a ruling that does not further allow H to be controlling and elusive and basically off the hook. He needs to be accountable. He needs to be transparent. He needs to be responsible to me and the boys. That's the way I see it, however I'm learning that in my state there isn't a lot of accountability. Rather there are a whole bunch of laws that support entitlement without regard for morality.
