Kelela,
I feel your emotions in the words you type. I feel those same feelings. I've started to watch TED talks online every night. It's generally uplifting messages from some very smart and successful people. I've talked to so many different people looking for answers to make the pain go away. Nothing seems to work except for when I resolve in my mind that I'm going to be ok whatever the outcome. You're a strong women who's worth isn't tied up in a man or a husband. I'm just starting to realize that my worth and purpose in life isn't just being a husband and provider. Hang in there Kelela....you can make it through these rough times.