Getting Uncomfortable

[mizjjd]

Hi Linda. Our posts crossed I guess. I am a slow writer.

The ring is a wedding band.

And "let it go" is not off the table.

I just hurt, you know?

Like the MLCers maybe. And want to make some sort of change, some how some way, so I don't hurt so much.

The "status quo", and the boundaries, referred to me continuing to "play wife".

One of my theories is that this ring thing may have been her idea. Not that this excuses H, because clearly he is going along with it. But IDK, and never will, his "heart". Before, back at initial ow discovery, he accused me of "pushing", that I didn't know "what was inside" of him, what he was thinking while dealing with her. Your post speaks to this, I think.

But Linda. Whether he had one OW or numerous OW, your job, if you choose to stand, is the same. To give him the space and time to work through whatever psychological trauma caused his MLC.

The first A he admits to happened 17 years ago. And since then? "Numerous women."

What am I "standing" for?

I don't argue AT ALL that H is hurting. I believe he actually loves me. I think he feels "safe" with me. I "get" that he has holes in him that he seeks to fill with ow and for now gambling.

And I don't mean to sound like the little voice from the back seat asking "are we there yet?", but seriously, how much longer? Another 17 years? Some of the newbies make me SMH because they'll be all "WHAT? ITS BEEN 2 MONTHS SINCE BD, WHY IS THIS STILL HAPPENING!!"

And I have had practice at this - so if you tell me "2 years" I'd be. OK. I can do that. Tell me 3 and sigh, ok, I can do that. 5? WOW. To go on like this? I don't know, but I'll try.

INDEFINITELY? So that upon my or his death bed I can get abject apology - like his folks? Please, no.

I suppose this all comes down to detachment. I haven't done enough work toward that.

Thank you for posting Linda. I've been thinking about your H whenever I hear about Snowden being in the "Transit Zone"... You are an amazing woman.