The boundaries I have in mind would be similar to LRT. But not done for effect on H or the M. Just done because I want nothing to do with H while he is involved with another woman.
I feel hurt and taken advantage of to think that while I am taking care of H (cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking, back rubs, companionship) during the week that he has a "weekend wife" who he lives at a hotel/casino with and "loves".
So, if my suspicions are confirmed I plan to stop all that parenthetical activity listed above.
I have been rehearsing this in the theater of my mind. It goes something like this.
"H, I feel hurt and used by this affair. In order for me to feel less used I will no longer be doing "wife" duties for you. I find being around you, and talking to you, very painful right now and so will not be spending time with you and plan to only speak with you when necessary."
Then I leave the room and cry for days.
H shrugs and says whatever.
And the kids notice. And I tell them.... what?
I am voting for honesty. Which would be "your father has found someone else. This makes me not want to spend time with him."
Gee, what a mess this all is.
And of course this all hinges on H actually telling me the truth about that damned ring. So, what am I going to do if he says "oh blankety blank (non ow person) gave that to me for good luck" (This is the only story I can think of that he would tell me. But I'm not very creative, maybe he can come up with something else.)
I guess the blankety blank story could be true. But I feel strongly that he would have told me about something like that. Because he comes home quite chatty about his casino trips.
I feel less concerned about him thinking I "snooped" since he went into his hidey hole in front of me. I'm not sure if he knows I know about it or not, but he didn't go to any effort to hide it from me yesterday.
It has finally occurred to me - sometimes I am astonishingly slow - that H doesn't "lie to me to not hurt me" but rather to not have to face any consequences. But, I don't think he knows that, I think he believes his own lies.
And Nero, I hear you on the money thing. Right now, working 2 jobs, 7 days a week, I gross about $17000 a year. While this does place me above the "poverty" level, its not enough money to do anything close to continue my "lifestyle". Which is eating in the same month I pay the electric bill.
So, what to do what to do what to do?
Pity there's no cliffs in this part of Ohio.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
